Letters To Hunter
by I the Ice
Summary: Whole my life, I have been this crazy person, people in my town believe. Maybe just maybe they were not that wrong. Yes, this is a self-reckoning and my last wishes maybe, cause even if it has not affected me my whole life, I believe these iron bars in this prison cell are affecting me in a way. In a brutal way... From the Synopsis of DEA, my way for the end ... spov
1. Chapter 1

LETTERS TO HUNTER

Do you know what they say about things that could kill a human? They say it is diseases, bullets, heart attacks, cancer, aids, etc. However, what I believe most is that hope kills you in the most painful way. Yes, hope. Hope gives you expectance. Hope opens your eyes every morning, praying that day is your last in pain. Hope gives you the dreams. The dreams, where you imagined to be rescued. Like a damsel in the stress, each and every other day you hoped to be rescued. So it is hope that really kills you. You die waiting. Each and every day, you wait for not your knight in white shining armor to save you but the one you place hope on. Whether it be a friend, a lover or family, while hope survives and you wait, you practically die as none come each morning and night.

While I look back, dying is the easy part. By breaking my heart with each ticking second, it is still easy. The hard part however, is facing yourself in each second; each decision you, yourself have made, each turn your own life has taken, either you choose that or not. Either you make yourself believe the choice is taken away from you; deep down you know that you, yourself, played the game that way by trusting the wrong people or distrusting the "right" people. The hard part is facing your own image every time in mirror and knowing every little mistake you made and literally being unable to right them or amend any.

I genuinely am disgusted every time I look upon my face in this little mirror in my cell, which is were I belong lately. No, this is not a self pity vacation I took, neither is my childish ways I normally prefer. Sometime, in all between these shit, I guess I really grown up in a way. I, Sookie Stackhouse, am rotting in a prison cell. And in times, I believe this is truly what I deserve.

Yes, of course I helped to many people and supe in my little life time and for sure I did not commit the murder they accuse me of. And I deadly hope some of them come to my help, but unfortunately I deep down know.

Whole my life, I have been this crazy person, people in my town believe. Maybe just maybe they were not that wrong, but not only the reason they saw. Yes, this is a self-reckoning and my last wishes maybe, cause even if it has not affected me my whole life, I believe these iron bars are affecting me in a way. In a brutal way, I don't know maybe it is about the quantity here in this prison cell.

OK, the point is I am still not dead however in no position to help my self so I think the only way one can make amends will be through my will. I believe the amends I hope to achieve should be through helping someone in need. Of course, there are some people I want to reach lastly and show my gratitude and love however the one life I really can have a positive effect at this point is the one and only cousin I have like me. My dear Hunter, who really will need my help in his life, which at this point I will not be available in person. So the only thing comes to my mind to make amends is through writing to Hunter and analyze my life to his eyes and make him understand what he is and what world he really lives in.

AN:

These characters and all the plots belongs to lovely Charlaine Harris, i m just playing in the sand box..**  
**

*This is my first attempt to write a fanfic and this was an idea i have from reading the synopsis of dead ever after, i hope you enjoy. Also english is not my native language and this work is un-betad, so all the mistakes are mine


	2. Chapter 2

Reaching out with my quirk, I see Kevin is in the station. Good, I know he is one of the kinder people in this town definitely a better option then Andy. He would give me some paper and a pen I hope. You see, I still hope. I don't really know for how long they would keep me here but it is Friday noon, so I believe at least for the next few days they will not let me go. Even if my vampires come to my help to get me out of here, the whole town thinks that I am guilty of this murder as if I could even have hurt children. Even if they came how many people can they glamour to help, people will be in their homes, which they cannot get in. Also as an important "little" fact; none of my supernatural friends know that I am here as far as I know. Sam has left the town for a little vacation after his death experience, after thanking me of course. My dear brother is in his love hunky punky with Michele. My vampire husband, I don't even know if we are still in the same state. So writing is my best option I guess. They still did not let me to call my attorney and I don't think any prosecutor will come in the weekend for my case. So I am here for the time being as it seems. Ok Sookie time to wear big girl pants...

"_Kevin, may I please have a pen and paper_" I shout from my cell, please Kevin please. He came few minutes later;

"_Sookie, ok I will give you them but you know every letter send from here is read beforehand right?_" he said. Oh, this is not good. Think Sookie think, it is so not an option. Ok, maybe I can give them directly to Mr. Cataliades.

"_May I give them to my lawyer, when he comes?_" I ask to Kevin.

"_That can be possible, but not before Monday, when the prosecutor comes_" he replied.

"_Ok, then._" I say and take the papers and pen while thanking Kevin's kind heart. This at least give me time to write properly. If iron... No, I will not think that way yet.

Ok, getting the papers and pen have been the easy part. What should I say to a child? How can you explain a child that he is indeed a telepath and a supernatural in his own right? How can help him without being near? How can I conceal my desperation from him? He surely does not need my depression right now. I keep thinking about most difficult parts of my life, my childhood, I guess what I struggle most was the feeling of being a freak of nature; not knowing where the telepathy comes or why was I the only one. Yeah, I guess that should be a good point to start...

_My Dearest Hunter;_

_If you are reading this letter, it means that I am unable to personally come to you anymore. Please know that deep in my heart, I really wish to be with you when you grow up. However, I am in a position now that even if I wanted to, I couldn't come to you anymore. This situation forces me to be more creative in the ways that I can help you with your speciality. I am planing to write you my experiences in my whole life with my little gift. These letters should be delivered to you by someone I trust, however if any of the letters you receive, come opened, I need you to start packing immediately and leave with your father, I will explain you my reasons later. However it is life or dead importance that you stood by this rule. I trust in you that you take this promise to your heart._

_ My sweetheart, I think I first should tell you about our family history, that way you can understand more where you stood in this world. Also acknowledge your nature and accept who and what you are more easily. Dearest; me, your uncle Jason and your mommy are descendant from a supernatural family. That is where your gift is coming from, in principle. Even if you look just like humans, know that you are more, you are a supernatural being in your own right. _

_The world we live in has changed dramatically since the Great Revelation of Vampires. Since then more supernaturals had come forward, you know Weres, shifters and such. However, that is not all of them. There are also many different worlds then human realm, which we live in. One of them is the Fae realm, in which our descendants reside. Yes, you read right we are fairies, me 1/8, you 1/16. In supernatural world everything depends on blood, like laws, relationships, friends and enemies. So you have 1/16 blood of fae. However you already know that your mommy or your uncle Jason is not like us, and there is a reason for that. Let me get from the beginning of the story. _

_ My grandmother and your great-grandmother Adele did have a happy marriage but grandfather Earl was not able to give her children due to a disease he had as a child. So Gran and Fintan had met under these circumstances, where she desperately wanted children but could not have. However, Fintan fell in love with Gran and promise to her, her hearts desire. That is where my father Corbet and your grandmother Linda came from. Gran mate with Fintan, the half-fairy, to have children. Our biological grandfather or great-grandfather for you, Fintan was a half fairy whom descendant from a full fairy and human mate. (I will explain their identities later) However, the Fae realm has its own rules and regulations and you got to understand that it was an important issue for them to have a mix in their genes so to speak. Most importantly, fairies are made of magic, actually all of supernatural world is made of magic but differ in the base or creation. Fae magic surrounds around what they call essential spark, which I really don't know enough to explain to you but what I know is that you and I have the essential spark. Nevertheless, that is how you and I gain our gift, different from Jason and Hadley. _

_ My dearest Hunter, I know all of these are not easy to understand especially in your young age however it is really important that you try to do, because information and knowledge could one day save your life. _

_Apart from shifters, Weres, vampires and fairies there are also demons in our world. Please do not mix them with your knowledge of Christianity or God, they are simply another supernatural beings in this world. I guess they also have their own realm however I don't know much about them. It is essential that you understand every supernatural being have their own powers different from the other, just like their difference in brain signals. I know you can differentiate them simply because I can. Like vampires are voids, whereas shifters and Weres are hazy. Demons are like static, I don't know how to better explain but you will know what I am talking about when you meet them. _

_Furthermore, demons are like us in the way we can read people. Back to our family history and also to our gift; when Gran and Fintan decided to have children together, one of the close friends of Fintan bestow a gift to their children. The close friend, Desmond Cataliades is a demon and by granting drops of his blood to Gran and Fintan, he bestows the gift of telepathy to any child or descendant that born from their mate with essential spark. So this is our story to have gifts. The friendship between a fairy and a demon brings us our telepathy. Moreover, you got the understand the difference here, our essential spark comes from our fae heritage whereas telepathy comes from the blood of our demon sponsor. So our supernatural nature is actually fae but telepathy is not a fae trait. So this brings us to the question of what we are, I used to simply believe that we are telepaths and nothing more, however this may or may not be the case, it is unfortunately as good as anyones guess at this point. _

_I hope all these history can make you feel better in your skin by knowing who and what you are or where you come from and definitely you are not alone. I know you are young, a little child even and you won't understand every thing but my dear to handle difficult situations you face and will face in your young age, you got to try. I remember myself in your age and it was difficult, really difficult especially when I started the school. I could not shut down the voices in my head, cannot differentiate between who is thinking what and then saying what. It was taken a lot of energy and endurance. However, I will try to do whatever I can so you would not go same distress I did. As best as can be in the situation I am in._

_So, my first suggestions to overcome the problems in your school or in your life is that you learn how to build shields in your brain. Try to think it like house, in a house you have many rooms, every room has its own door and every door have its own locks. Try to imagine your brain like your own castle, like the ones you see in cartoons. Lock every people in its own room and close the doors upon their brains. You can grow your castle as big as you want or as high as you want, so that the crowds affects you less. Remember always that it is your own castle, you can change any shape or any quality at your wish. Some people are more loud then others, for example for them you can build a metal door or a high tower away from where you stood. I know what I suggest is hard to do, but you can do it my dear Hunter. Look for cartoons to visualize this strategy of castles, I do not know for sure if this will help you or not, but I try to come with other suggestions also in other letters. _

_One more important point in this letter, I want you to trust your instincts, if you ever suspect anyone to do you harm or your father, or simply you instinctually dislike someone please be ready to leave where you are. I know it is not the best or easy for you or for your father to rashly leave, but it can come to that, be prepared. You are a special person and there are many bad people in this world, for them you have to be prepared. And also that is the reason you cannot reveal your telepathy to any one. Your day will come my dearest, you won't have to always hide yourself, but for the time being please try. I know it will be difficult but it is life or dead importance dearest. I will come with a solution to your safety soon but in the mean time I need you to be as secretive as you can and as prepared as you can. I will also write a letter to your father explaining some of the things I tell you but even if he does not understand fully, know that he loves you very much and will do what you need him to do. _

_For now my dearest please know that, I love you no matter what and I will help you in any way I can. You and I are a team. I will try to walk with you for your place in the supernatural world, where you belong. I am still not sure at what age you should get these letters but in my gut I think the sooner the better. This is my first letter and I want you to have it as soon as you can read, so you understand better. However I am not sure for the rest, please understand if the further letters found you at a later age, it is not that I forget about you. It is simply because I want you to enjoy your childhood as long as possible. Please keep in mind that I will always love you wherever I will be and thinking about you just like your mommy would._

_With Love,_

_Your Aunt Sookie_

AN:

These characters and all the plots belongs to lovely Charlaine Harris, I am just playing in the sand box...

*This is my first attempt to write a fanfic and this was an idea i have from reading the synopsis of dead ever after, I hope you enjoy. Also English is not my native language and this work is un-beta-ed, so all the mistakes are mine


	3. Chapter 3

Writing has not been as hard as I thought. I guess in a way, a lift was taken over my shoulders. Helping a soul, who would face all the hardships I did as a child, has somehow been restorative. I have never really look back and try to solve my issues. Hell, I never ever accept I have issues. However, now I knew, I have deep scars in my personality. Deep scars from my ordeals; my funny uncle, the loss of my parents in an early age, the issue of my mother who constantly believed I have mental problems and been a lying little shit because of her strict conservatism; my loneliness of being other and not knowing the cause. Also school had been a big problem for me growing, where I never got accepted by children or by adults. Also my lack of concentration paid in lack of success. I believe my low self esteem started with all those and I try to recover it or hide it by, so to say, helping people. I guess I was craving to be accepted, to be needed by someone, to be someone (other then crazy Sookie) so I did take any risk to achieve them. That is my only explanation why I constantly find my self in life versus death situations. Also once Colonel Flood said that fairies love to flirt with disaster. I don't know if it is engraved in my genes from the start. However, I don't want Hunter to be like me, a low self esteemed person. I know I am also smart in a way, to realize your mistakes and accepting your problems is the first step to solve them, right? I kind of hope Hunter will learn from my mistakes. I know he would inevitably make his own but I still hope they won't be as grave as mine. Also, I hope he learns by my letters to trust himself better by knowing he is not abnormal or anything or alone and grace his gift with more conscious.

Ok, I also know I still am putting my situation back of my head right know by concentrating on the letters in a true Scarlet fashion but in a way I guess these analyzing thing will help me deep down better than anything I can do know. I have three days to write down my life in letters and with these iron bars, I really hope I can achieve...

_My dearest Hunter,_

_As I said in my previous letter, I am still in no position to come by you personally however I want to help your life as much as I can. I know a life as a telepath is not easy. So, I believe if I can explain you my life and experiences as much as letters allow, you can at least have a glimpse of my mistakes and not follow mine. Please remember that I love you very much and I don't want you to make the same mistakes as I. I know you will have your own path together with your own mistakes but my dear, it is important to have a rock solid personality with such a hard-to-deal gift. But believe that; it really is a gift. _

_In a way, I don't want to burden you with my mistakes and I want to draw the portrait of myself as a confidant, smart, self-sufficient and victorious of every hardship kind of woman. Even if in some way these assumptions are correct, they are not the whole truth. I am duty bound to explain you basis of my mistakes because the other way would only be selfish and for only my self confidence and neediness and will not benefit you at all. You will need the whole perspective of another telepath as the supernatural world become more open. So here I am._

_In my whole life, I "heard" what people never say but never quit thinking. As you probably know by now, they become such a disturbing noises at the age of even four. I never wanted to know what people think, never. And it literally upset my life knowing all the time. Or I did think so. When the first vampire walked into Merlotte's, I believed that God also christened me with peace, in a way only silence brings. Never in my life, till that point, I have ever been in silence. However; know that everything has a price just as this silence had a price for me, loss, ache and stupidity. _

_All my life, I live by knowing things even if I tried to shield, I was not that good. Without willing, I know what people hope or what they think, their problems, their prejudices, their sadnesses, their happiness, their secrets and their questions. I apologetically declare that it only brought me arrogance. I thought without realizing how wrong I am, I already know everything. I was too used to know every thought every people have in my little town so I subconsciously but arrogantly thought that I already know everything there is to know. I had always chastised my self for violating people's privacy, but nonetheless arrogant to know even subconsciously. That is or was my gravest mistake. And unfortunately did not realize this mistake till I am in this predicament. This is something I am really sorry for. Whole my life, I accused too many people of being high-handed and arrogant but I never realize I was also one of them, even if in a different way. _

_You got to understand; just "hearing" people does not always bring you knowledge, truth or smartness. You are not smart just because you hear people and know what they'll do or say before they act. You only got to be smart if only you think and analyze the situation in front of you before you act or react. People mostly think momentarily and with less words then a whole sentence. Like "milk, train and ball" rather then "tonight I will go to my playmate Hunter's home with my mama; play with my train however I don't want to share my train with Hunter but I can share my ball, maybe we can have a game in the park". Do you see the difference? In the first case, your assumptions will fill in the blanks and that is where the mistake starts. Assumptions, where you believe a certain train of thought to be the reality, will lead you to a false place. Like; when you think your father was angry with you for your gift, because you slip in front of his girlfriend is a wrong assumption. Where your father is actually afraid of this unknown, not you or your slip or your gift. He was afraid because he did not understand your gift at that moment. So, you have to think and analyze before everything._

_Let me give you an example of my self, when the first vampire come in to Merlotte's, my workplace, there were some bad people thinking of doing bad things to the same vampire. Till that day my knowledge of vampires were only from television or magazines, which really was near to nothing. So, all by myself I run to help him because I thought he would need it. Do not get me wrong, helping someone in need is not wrong. However, the wrong things were that I did not even thought of a way to explain how come I know their bad purpose, or that the vampire himself can not solve the problem. It did not even occur to me that I was outing my self and my gift to the vampire, whom I did not have any idea about. See, the assumptive way? Just because there are bad people thinking bad things about him, I thought he needed my help. I directly believed without even thinking that he will not be any different then good, Samaritan people in my town. Instead of calling the police or some help like Sam, the owner, I just run to help to someone I don't know and have no I idea what is he capable of. It did not even occur to me that I was judging someone according to my knowledge of ordinary people in my town as if he was just one of them. I am not saying that he should be judged or analyzed differently because he is a vampire, I am saying that I should have analyzed according to my knowledge of that person particularly which was none at the moment._

_I in all my life act first and thought or analyzed later, if at all. My life is full of alike situations. Unfortunately that is what brings me to my predicament at this point. So my dear Hunter, I will love you no matter what but please be smarter for me... _

_Love_

_Aunt Sookie_

AN:

These characters and all the plots belongs to lovely Charlaine Harris, I am just playing in the sand box...

*I hope you enjoy. English is not my native language and this work is un-beta-ed, so all the mistakes are mine


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: In this chapter there are going to be some talks about rape, murder and abuse; it is quite light but still if you are offended by these topics, please skip this chapter... Thanks**

I think I should start with vampires as naturally he will also drawn to their silence. Looking back, I know most of the points I really should have explain Hunter are not the easy, understandable or acceptable parts. How could I tell a child, the world he is going to be in is too cruel without damaging his soul? How could I tell him that every man only stands for himself till death, without damaging his meaning of life? Friendship, family or anything do not have any meaning if there is no catch at all. Only, time to time alliances, debts, favors, revenge, torture, money, power or blood has any meaning. Can I even make myself believe that without losing my zest to live? Will there be any meaning of life if there is no one to love? Can I live a life totally alone and survive it, can I found a reason to survive? I know it is hope that kills me and my regrets on my eyes but there should be some flaw of this train of thought, right? I mean how did vampires survives that long? There should be something in the big picture I am missing. That is why I miss him so much, deep in my bones. He would have a counter argument of my thought process already. He would have said something and bring me back from whole this emotional shit hole I am in. I remember the first time I said him about my curse in Fangtasia's parking lot. His only answer had been; "How interesting. I had a psychic ones, it was delicious." You got to love the man, his response to my life-fucking curse was portrayed in deliciousness. Isn't that zest for life? Till this day, I am still curious how had he recuperate from his dark days by Ocella? He has been there after thing one and thing two and I had thought he really helped. However, looking back he did much more, wouldn't he be there, I probably would be long gone or shred to something hollow. Of course in a way it is tragically comic that he was also the one I refused, challenged, made trouble, stubbornly resist without a good reason, be unreasonable and unkind most. It is stupidly comic. Here I am needing, remembering, missing and loving the man I so publicly and blatantly betrayed. I mean I am sure he interpret whole fiasco as a betrayal. Of course I did not mean it to be so and I am still not totally convinced saving Sam was wrong. At the end he has been a good friend to me always, but still. I never think I have been a selfish person but so many life changing wishes could be made. Yeah, whose life? I did not even think the wish "live" at the moment, I mean I have not been specific on a life form, did I? Like always, I am thinking backwards and it doesn't do me any good. See, this is what Hunter needs to learn; to be smart enough to think beforehand.

I think the letters I write from this point should be delivered at least after age of 12. Not to early not to late. Of course I know it is still a child's age, but which telepath had the luxury to have a real childhood. He will already know by now about sex, religion, money, bribery, cruelty, cheating, lies, dishonesty, hypocrisy, malignity, abuse, fear and loneliness. Unfortunately, there are no glass houses for us. Also, vampires will be long out of the coffin by then, he will be drawn to them. So, Sookie time to big girl pants again...God help me...

_Dearest Hunter;_

_I know it's been some time since my last letter but to explain you somethings I needed you to grow up a little. If we have not seen each other since, i'm sorry to say but it means that I am together with your mama now. But it is ok my dearest. Of course I would have wanted to see you become this fabulous man you are certainly going to be. And I absolutely would have loved every minute of it. However, it is still ok honey. Know that; I will be in peace where I am and will be watching you. Know that; if I have not survived my predicament, I did go at least by amending my mistakes. So I am really in peace. And no matter what, I do love you, always will._

_In this letter, I like to tell you my experiences with vampires. I know it has been quite some time since they come out of the coffin now, probably and hopefully world has gotten used to them more then my time. Also, again hopefully, they grown being open more. Cause this was certainly not my experience or my time line. When vampires come out of the coffin, I was 23 years old waitress in a small town living with my grandmother. I never had any boyfriends except from some disastrous one or two high school try outs. I did not have many friends because all the town knew me as Crazy Sookie, even from school or church or somewhere in between. I always thought my self as someone with a disability. I did not know my origins or even the existence of a supernatural world. After my parents' loss at age 7, Gran took me and my brother in and she absolutely loved and accepted us, me specifically. So, of course I was thrilled when I heard about vampires' existence, it gave me some kind of relief. Like in a way maybe there are more, you know, people like me, with some disability. In that time, they had explained vampirism with virus of some kind together with allergies of sun and garlic. Of course it was way beyond the truth. So, I read, I read anything I found about them from any source. Of course, none of the knowledge I had, had any reality or soundness. Also at this point, you got to understand that I was a low esteemed person. Nobody really accepted me, as my self. I was totally different from my environment, trying to blend in and people always tried to stay away from me, unless of course they needed my disability. Also I am a low educated person, because of the hardships in school. I always tried to educate my self but still. I was an insecure woman maybe I still am. There are many reason for that I'll try to explain you all of them as openly as I can but some are hard truths and I really don't know how can I burden you so... _

_So, you can understand my excitement when the first vampire walked in to the place I worked, two years after they come out the coffin. It was probably my most exited moment in my 25 years of life as I was meeting something else, like me. It also turned my world up side down because I could not hear him. I remember I was over the moon with the silence and with the possibilities it brings. By possibilities I mean sex, you know touching amplifies hearing. So in a short time, he become my first boyfriend. I had fallen with his gentleman ways and I had fallen hard, also smitten with silence. So many people warned me against him, whom mostly talking out of prejudices. However, not all. I never listen to a single soul. While I did place to many worth on what people think about me, I never listen my friend's thoughts behind the warnings. Also my Gran was vey happy, I finally found a man to court with, so I thought everything was good, really good. As I said earlier, it was pure arrogance that I thought I can trust all the words coming out of Bill's mouth. I believed he loved me and I loved him. I thought he doesn't tell me about his world much because he was protecting me from it. I was also happy with ignorance. Do you see the stupidity here? Whole my life, I did know the difference between what people truly think and do. However, I never second guessed my self; just like my belief of knowing everything in people's heads, as I say, pure arrogance and stupidity. I never asked the obvious questions like why he was in this god-forgotten town two years after Great Revelation, why was he really interested in me, me other then any; who or where his friends are, who he works for or who his maker was, what vampirism truly was, what his life style was before or any other. I did even totally believed his explanation of vampire bloods properties, never questioned if there was more to know. Questions like you ask when you meet someone knew and become intimate. I never asked any, first because I did fell hard for silence, also I did not even wanted to see behind the silence. I badly needed acceptance, I guess I even craved it at the time. It did not matter where it came from or for what reason. So he played his game well by noticing these needs and fears in me. Long word to short, he was here on my hometown for a mission for his Queen. Procure the telepath by any means necessary, seduce, enforce anything. I was an easy prey. _

_So, this is first and foremost lesson for you, silence does not mean peace or love._

_I took too many risks for him and I am not only talking about heart breaks. Where in the world, there is something new, there are mostly two different camps over it. Worshippers or haters. Of course, there is a whole gray area in between but still. I become target of haters first. So, I lost my grandmother, the only person in the world who really loved and accepted me as who I am and without any fear. With my gran's loss, I in a way lost my anchor of my life, which lead me to guilt and pity for myself. In that way I become more enraged to everyone who treated me as stupid and none knowledgeable. In reality, they were right, I was extremely stupid. I did not know anything about the world beyond my town other then romance novels provide or anything in supernatural world. Tragically, I was not even aware of my unawareness. I was nothing more than a child needing support to even walk in supernatural world. Being me, I refused all warnings and ignored all words and signs and maintained my trust in Bill. Again brought nothing but heart ache and pain. However, when he leaved the town and lied openly to my face, while looking into my eyes, where he was going or why, I knew something had changed. It all started with his secret mission to his Queen about a vampire database. His maker get into the equation of our relationship then. I of course needed to get and rescue my unfaithful boyfriend from his betraying maker. See, till that point I did not even know the meaning or basics of maker-child relationship. Hell, I did not even know it was his maker calling him. I did go after him anyway for the sake of our love. This is really basic stupidity. Who betrayed whom on what ground is still interesting because Bill was duty bound both to his maker and his Queen, where makers outranked Queen, the secret project outranked the maker as I understand today. Whole this betrayal scenario hurt me and his maker Lorena more than anyone. Lorena lost his life in my hands, where she tried to kill me. I on the other hand got staked by some Fellowship of the Sun man, become a murderer and got raped by yours truly Bill. Of course there are other peoples malign roles of this but nonetheless. Actually, this is the first time I guess I am accepting it, rape I mean. I always found other means to explain it to myself. I never really accepted that the action was truly rape. In a way I accused Deby Pelt to putting me into a trunk with a tortured and starved vampire. I accused his maker to torturing him to that point. I accused his vampirism his dire need of blood, that Bill was not in his right mind and stopped when he saw it was me. So, it is really stupid you see, like it will be ok if it would have been someone other than me and he did not stop for the person. I keep saying it was nothing personal. It was me in denial on every corner. I know these are hard truths to read or think but my dearest you got to understand it is a different world. You got to understand my mistakes are my own and I learned from them what I needed even if in a hard way. There are many hard things to swallow, I know, but I am ok with them because I can pass on my knowledge to you this way. Believe that knowledge is the most expensive and precious thing in supernatural world and I am happy you can gain from my mistakes._

_The next vampire, I met was the sheriff of area 5 of Louisiana, which also includes where you live. He is the ruler in this area. He was or is the most of everything I can ever say, smart, beautiful, fearless, arrogant, devious, humorous, high-handed and the list goes alike. You have already met him in my house, I think you can remember and I am sure he will know who you are. Please go to him dearest when you feel you are ready or if you suspect something amiss. He, Eric Northman, does not know that you are like me but you can tell him. He will protect you, he or his child Pam. I don't know what his next step will be or where he is going to live or what his position will be but his name would be enough for you to find him. Eric and Pam are the only people I trust with my life or yours. They will protect you. Pam is what I call a true friend. Whereas Eric happens to be my husband and the love of my life, my true mate. However, I don't know how long we can maintain our status as husband and wife anymore. As I explained above makers and children have a very different relationship nature than human notion of father-child apprehend. Vampires see children as possessions. Children belong to makers to do as they wish. And every vampire just like the humans does not have a good personality so every maker are not good also. So, the last crap Eric's maker do for him was to sell him to the Queen of Oklahoma. And believe me it was one of the kindest ones he did throughout their history as Eric said, but again who am I to criticize such a unique relationship that lasted for a thousand years, something neither I nor any other would ever truly understand. _

_It is also very hypocrite of me to call him my husband now and accepting our marriage. I never accepted our marriage to his face or my love and here I am writing that to you. Of course our marriage has been a political maneuver of his high handed ways nonetheless he did it to protect me from other greedy vampires. I never do justice to him because of my childish beliefs. A marriage should have made only out of love, with a nice ring and roses and some special proposal etc etc that was my stupid dream, together with a white fenced house and many children. I never recognized or realized the importance of finding a person who loves you enough to even risk his own life to protect yours. I never see beyond some southern notion scraped in my front head by ordinary people, who live happily ever after in ignorance. Of course Eric has not been the angel but still he protect me in every danger I put myself in. Most of the time he referred to himself as the lesser of two evils. I only now see that is what I made him feel and it really does break my heart, myself so cruel to him. I am really sorry for it. If you someday see him, maybe you can make him read these letters..._

_My dearest you got to understand these are all my mistakes, which you can avoid hopefully and this is the reason I am writing to you these letters. Whole my life, I was disgusted of people with strict prejudices, by their redneck beliefs but unfortunately I was never that far beyond. I always liked to think , I judge people not according to nation, race, sex or nature but the person behind all these layers. However, even with my telepathy I did not always been fair or realistic as much as I like. I put too many worth to what my childhood environment think about me. I always wanted to be a "proper Lady" according to Southern understanding. But I actually never was and never will be, not a proper one at least. Neither will you be. Our world and our lives do not position according to Southern principles. So, please do not restrain your self with what you hear around, know that you are a supernatural being._

_OK, my dearest, I started with the vampire community as they were my first glimpse of supernatural world. Other than my personal vampire relationships, vampires; like any other beings are manipulative, dangerous, power greedy, money greedy, selfish, lying and secret-full. However, in supe world, all these does not necessarily mean something negative. All of the human understandings of morals are not applicable to supe world. So, you got to create your own set of moral understanding or a moral system. And please do it after you get ALL the information out there not before. Furthermore, vampire world is hierarchical. There are clans, kings and queens, sheriffs, minions, procurers, executers. So they have a whole different political system then what you know built in human world. They are not democratic, none of the supe world is. They see America as the new world different then Europe. So, the political system of this side of Atlantic is still young therefore it is not written on the stone. The order is young if any. Balances of power is still shifting and by the power seeking nature of vampires, every game is still on. Keep in mind that, monarchies as they call, can be dissolved or replaced. Loyalties can be changed..._

_I know this letter has been an overwhelming one my dear. I am sorry for this, but it was necessary evil. Unfortunately there are many more things I needed to explain to you but I guess you can use some break to think. Please know my dear, hardships makes us stronger. Sorrow mature us. And heart breaks makes us more forgiving and more capable of love therefore. I am really sorry if you think all these are too much burden for you to handle but my dear ignorance never bring bliss or even comfort in our lives. So I know you are going to be the strong man you need to be and take all these knowledge to your heart. These are all from my heart to yours for a more peaceful life..._

_Love_

_Aunt Sookie_

AN:

These characters and all the plots belongs to lovely Charlaine Harris, I am just playing in the sand box...

*I hope you enjoy. English is not my native language and this work is un-beta-ed, so all the mistakes are mine


	5. Chapter 5

AN: I normally prefer end notes but for this chapter I have a **warning** first. This chapter has been planned before all the spoilers of DEA however, I bring it a bit advance because I am angry and heart broken so is he ;)

**EPOV**

This is one of the hardest times of my life. In fact, the hardest I guess. These feelings are going to be the end of me. Of course I am used to Ocella fuck my life for his own gain but I am a different man now. Different man? Oh, fuck my life. Where did I lost my way? Did I lost my way? I really thought she is my mate. I had waited a fucking thousand years to find her. I know most vampires never believe a true mate but I am old. I remember the old ways. Even if the world has changed much, did it changed that much? There is an ache in my gut. Not like the old one, of eternal loneliness. Is this loss I am feeling? Did she really do it? Did she really used our last resort on the shifter? I am so angry with her. I mean, I want to be angry with her but it is sadness I'm afraid. Did she do it because she prefers him? I know her dreams of children, of a peaceful life what she calls "normal". Will she ever accept that she is a supernatural being and what she desires are not written for her? The closest of course will be the shifter, I mean children, but vampires will never leave her to herself or alone, never. Someday some vampire will come and turn her against her wishes and will use her and never let her go. And I won't be able to help her now the bond gone. I know she is right, in a way, to break it and I did not give her a way to ease her worries but am I that untrustworthy? I had always been there for her except with the fairies and she knows why. Is this her way of finally punishing me? Drawing the line of her trust? Fucking Oklahoma. Fucking Ocella. Fucking Felipe. Did she really think I prefer her? Oh, fuck. I mean, doesn't she know me at least a little bit, of course she is beautiful, smart, rich and powerful but I am already more so then the fucking bitch. I could have been a King so long ago if I wished. She knew that. I am a fucking thousand years old. Even Felipe is younger than me. A 150 years old bitch, trying to take my freedom by buying me from Ocella, is it really what she believes I will prefer? That I will love to be a sex and duty slave again after all these years? Oh, fuck my life. Fuck all those people, I mean, fuck her if she really believes I am that dishonorable.

What the fuck am I to do? I can't even kill the bitch without facing trial or true death. Fucking contract.

_"Hello, Mr. Cataliades, yes I am again calling to ask if you found any loophole" _

"_Sorry, Mr. Northman; Eric I am still looking but at this point, I suggest you to further inquiry of other ways of loopholes, if that is truly what you want._" Cataliades replied. Oh fuck my life, fuck my life again and again.

"_Desmond, we have known each other for a long time, I need you to know that it is what I really want. I desperately need a loophole or my true death with also my children and significant others will be inevitable I'm afraid._" Yeah, I am that desperate. I am even spilling my guts to a demon, begging for help.

"_I will keep looking till the last moment, good luck_" and he hung up.

I knew you would be my death, I knew it from the beginning. This is my fault. I bring myself in this situation, fucking feelings. Too many people learned my weakness. Of course now they are using it. Fucking retarded bitch, I am tenth time his age and strength. Did she really believe for a fucking moment that I will want her? As if I don't understand their territory plays. I should have taken the kingdom before Sopphie-Ann died. I should have foreseen all of this. Yeah, I never wanted to be king but I should have seen the big picture. Amun was powerless, I should have seen the greediness of other clans. Narayana my ass. And now I am the stupid toy between Zeus and Narayana. I wonder did Felipe know the contract Ocella made before Victor's demise. Was this his play from the beginning? I have been suspicious of Oklahoma and Nevada after the Rhodes. Can he be that much devious by playing Victor and me against each other, while knowing the contract? It of course will be perfect punishment to me for killing Victor and selling me to Oklahoma. While eliminating his greedy regent by using my hands and using my dick to solve his territory concerns. I am sure he also has some monetary gains from this. How fucking stupid of me. I was so well played, so well played. And now, he will also gain the telepath. Oh fuck my life.

But, where does Ocella have a place in all this? I guess Alexei cause a scene in Oklahoma but why on the earth did Ocella come to America for starters. How did he know about Sookie? Of course she was known widely after Rhodes but still how did he know that she is my wife. Oh, of course little birdies did sing to his ears. I will tear you limb by limb Bill Compton only to glue them together for tearing again next night. Oh my little torturing project, if you have a little finger in all this, I will be your fucking nightmare every fucking night of your pathetic existence and I will prolong it. I will torture you until my true death. I will kill you every night till my death. I will cut your dick and put it in your throat every fucking night, you will be silenced by your own dick you fucking bastard. You love her haa, you love her my ass you pathetic little worm.

Oh, fuck my life. If she know his involvement... How many times can I cure a broken heart, how many times could this bastard hurt her? How many times?

Ok, do not lose the focus here. What am I to do? How can I get out of this shit together with everyone still intact? I will need each and every possible way of help I can get. Allies, I need allies. I need some people who can gain from this situation. Old debts. I should call all old debts. I will also need all the help I can get from Amun, this is also their fight, right? With a good plan, we certainly can prevail, we will prevail, there is no other way. I can not lose her. I will prevail. I will not let them win. Even if it cause my true death, I won't go without fighting. I am a Viking for fucks sake. I born to fight. I will prevail, I did not live for a thousand years to lose this night, to lose my hearts desire. Fucking witch, does her spell still affect me? Fuck all of you. I am not this old by chance. I will fucking plan till plan Z if necessary. I need help but I will found them. I will look under every fucking stone if necessary. This Norseman will not go without fighting, not when I finally found her. She is worth it, she always have been. Fuck the cluviel dor. It was easy way. Even if she does not want me now... Oh for fucks sake, she will want me, I am her mate, her soul mate. I will shout it to her face every night if necessary. I will get this into her tick skull. I will.

"_Master_" Pam, my dearest child, she will help me. She understands me, she always did.

"_Pam, it is not going well my child. Prepare for war. One we never engaged before. One I am not sure of the outcome. I am not going down without fighting_." Yeah, keep telling.

"_Oh finally Master, I was afraid your head won't come out of your ass in time_" Yeah, that Pam.

"_Pam, I need you to contact Karin. Reach her some discreet way without Felipe or Freya knowing. I need her to negotiate for three Britlingens. One goes to Sookie, two for us. They need to be invisible to Felipe or Freya. The mission is to keep us; me you, Sookie and Karin, alive until peace is build again. Money is not an issue. This my child is a war for our lives. Make her understand the severity._" Her face become stony as I say this, I am sure she understand the situation but not every angle. I will need to tell her everything, every thought.

"_Of course, Eric. My life is yours Master. How can I help?_" Ok, no hopelessness. I should not show my desperation. Oh fuck my life.

"_Reach her first, then we need to talk. It is much more then we presume at first. There are much more players and schemers. There are much more betrayers, Pam. I will tell you all but first, talk to her, we need her. We need every little help we can get. Go now, we will have our time._" So, she leaves. Karin will come and do as I say, even all after these years I am still her master, her maker.

It is good to be back in the game. I will talk to my children, they will help. I will bring my wife to my side. I will gain her trust back. I will make her understand. She will love me, me not that fucking shifter. I will take her in my arms and make love to her again. We will prevail all these fucktards. We will keep our lives and punish those trying to interfere it. Yes, we will. I am fucking Eirikr the son of the chieftain, also the son of the fucking two thousand year old vampire, I did learn from the best and I did learn well. And I teach my children well. Whether king or queen it does not matter. Contract or not. I already have the wife my heart desired. I will protect what is mine and I will protect well. No one, I mean no one fuck with Eric Northman and win. It is time for me to show the world again what I am made of. And I will prevail...

TBC

AN:

These characters and all the plots belongs to Charlaine Harris, I am just playing in the sand box...

*I hope you enjoy. English is not my native language and this work is un-beta-ed, so all the mistakes are mine.


	6. Chapter 6

AN: There is a theme song for this chapter, Drowning by Sarah Blackwood

Somewhere between the letters I guess I had fallen asleep. There is too much I have to tell Hunter. I am feeling like I am racing against time. These iron bars have some effect on me. Is it because I had used cluviel dor? Did it changed something in me? Mr. Cataliades said that I should think before I use it, actually think triple times he suggested. Yea; yea I am that stupid. What did I wish? I guess I said live, but did I said or think anything else? I was in such a panic, I don't even remember the exact moment it opened. And Mr. Cataliades repeatedly warned me about the consequences that it can affect the history. Oh God, did I make a mistake? Did I twist the fates somehow? Is this iron thing the consequence I have to pay? It is Saturday morning now, can I last till Monday morning? By saving his life, did I mess my own? Questions, all I have got is questions and of course stupidity as only answer. I also can't take my mind out of Claude. Is he somehow involved in this? Their living in my house, it sure had affected something in me. All these laying the same bed, breading to each other, nearness of fairy had some side effect? How pathetic of me, I let loneliness to overcome my distrust. I keep saying myself, they are family. Family. Do I even know what the notion of family means to a fairy? Of course not. My stupid, stupid humanity. Be a good Christian girl, be a proper southern Lady. Yeah, be good, turn your other cheek, be overly polite even to your enemy, do not kill!

In my heart survival has always been my first instinct but then, what did I do? I felt guilty. Like a good Christian girl a felt guilty. Then, I judge every one defending themselves and me. Once, I remember him saying that he could not imagine a belief system where you shouldn't defend yourself or punish you for defending your life. Did I ever really listen to him? I have always been a library girl, but I guess I never really seen the true walking library in front of me. I mean, I learnt about Wiccan, I learnt about pagan, but I have never given a moment to think about religion or standards, which I am so desperately trying to live accordingly. Yes I am uneducated, yes I am tied by southern rules and Christianity, yes I have been raised accordingly. However, do I really have a legitimate reason for never evaluating any rules I live by. Morals, religion, society standards, identities or anything else. When I look back, I unfortunately see a girl who never think about outside of her borders. Actually, she never even realize she has living in borders. And pathetically I keep saying, I keep thinking; that I know everything. Yeah, privacy is the most important thing. Ignorance be blessed!

How can make Hunter believe or understand all of this? I know his father is a good Christian man and of course he is totally human. However Hunter is not. Nor am I. Why am I understanding this only when I am behind the bars? Yeah sure prison has a redeeming effect, right? All these reckonings are good but my time is limited, truly limited. And while I made my will in that human attorney, I never thought beyond money and the house. Yeah Sook, so planned, so predicted, well done.

Of course I have been poor all my life, so money is important but, ok there is no but. Money was important. I needed to feed. However, how did I not understand its social importance? Bellefleur's were so important in town mostly because of money, where Gran were respected but still one of the poor's. Looking back, Jason has handled himself since eighteen and he has never been bitter about it. And I have always see him below me like someone stupid. (Was he? Or was it me? Of course he also had fairy blood so of course he would be attractive to trouble.) Me about money on the other hand, I got angry. I remember the argument about drive way. He made it redone even before I woke that day, because I made him feel bad about his comment. Of course his comment was reckless and not polite but nonetheless. It was kindness of him made it done. And I never thanked. So little things always have so big meanings. I was a total fool. I let go of the one who really loved me between all my redneck thoughts. He was my safe heaven and I polluted it for both of us. How could he even like someone such as me, always scouting, swearing and belittling him? Always comparing him to Bill, I was so fool. Now I need him more then anyone, not his money, not his strength, not his power but just his arms around me and I literally have shoot my own feet. Well done Sookie, well done. Easy come, easy lost. Yeah that was the problem, he had always been there. Me, the little spoiled shit, did not know his worth. Well done.

Now my pity party would not help, but how can I save myself from this shit hole? How? I am so sorry. And the pathetic part in me is begging to him, despite all the things I'd done to him, I am still waiting for him to come. I am still hoping. And I am still dying. I am dying inside. My mistakes are drowning me. Not the point, focus, focus...

_My dear Hunter,_

_Each letter I wrote, shatters your world, I know. However my little handsome baby, it is a necessity. I am really sorry being the messenger and also that you had to face the world in such an early age but no matter; you have to._

_My dearest, you live in a southern little town, crowded with rednecks including me. Baby the world is so big at the same time so small. You are surrounded with Christianity and bigotry just like me. It does not necessarily mean they are bad people, most of them are not. However, their visions are small. Their boundaries are limited. This is not a bad thing either but the truth nevertheless. Everyday is a struggle to most of them, either about money or health or children. They woke, they work, they eat, they accomplish what their elders vision for them and they die. This is the way of living for the most little towns like ours. I was also raised liked this. I was expected to work, which is a progress in itself, to marry, to have children, to have grandchildren in a white fenced house with a reasonable spouse, who is not a drunk, gambler, beater or cheater. This is the southern dream. I am not judging this, I am just elaborating. It is perfectly okay to people have their dreams, but my dear you are not one of them. It is not and cannot be your dream. _

_It is not your dream because you are not one of them. You are a supernatural my dear. You never will fit into their world also they won't fit into yours. You will always keep hearing them, their daily whining or happiness or complaints. My dearest you are not one of them, and this is definitely not a bad or good thing. Neither is a right or wrong. You just are not the same._

_I learn this in a hard. We are different. Our world is different. My grandmother was the only one who really accepted me. Or so I used to think. All these rules of society was engraved in me firsthand by her. I used to think if I were to be less polite, she would roll over in her grave. However she was the one who never explained me where my other worldliness come. Also that she was the reason of it. I understand her in a way. The rules of society was making her a bad Christian because she had cheated her husband even if with a fairy. She never wanted to remember her indiscretion however I was the result and she had to look my face every day. I guess, this actually was the reason of her acceptance, her role in it. The sad part of it all is; she loved me very much but she never understood really. She never understood what being different means. If she understood, she would have explained me my roots or why I am a telepath. I would have preferred to learn from her rather than a stranger. Of course I would have loved her in any condition but she did not come forward. This is because of the rules the society or our religion impose us. So please be aware that the rules of our world is different then our environment. _

_My dearest; as my previous letter show you beforehand, one of my mistakes have been my human friends. For example, Arlene, a co-worker of mine, whom I used to believe to be a real friend. At the end she was seized away by fellowship of the sun church. It is really sad that someone who all of her life known about supernaturals at least me, despises all of us. Humans are weak like all other creatures. They need acceptance and it doesn't matter where it come from. Fae looks for acceptance of their race, vampires look acceptance in kingdoms or from makers, were's look for acceptance from a pack, shifters also the same. Finally telepaths looks from acceptance from wherever they can get. _

_My dearest the important point in life is not what people expect from you, it is what you want. You can have the dream of peaceful live without any interference, or white picket house with many children or you can have the wish to become a vampire or were ( a bitten were). To become more fae is not possible as long as I know but still, their world is accessible in a way. All at the end depends on your wish or desire. My inner desire had never gained a strong voice till now. It was silenced by the expectancies of my environment. I never knew about the supernatural world until my twenty-fifth age. Now, I am learning to listen my inner voice but in baby steps. However it is important for me that you learn to listen your inner voice from the beginning. _

_My town, in a way has been generous to me. They acknowledge my gift and did not acknowledge at the same time. The generous point is that they never sell me to others. They could have easily done that. They did not because partially they did not believe; partially they feared they'd be laughed. Actually God bless them, because I could have been snatched from my town so early in my life. FBI could have me or CIA or any other government could have used me as they can use you. Honey please be careful who you share your ability. That is why I suggest Eric, you will need to be protected. However it is a double edged situation. _

"Sookie Stackhouse?"

I turn to the voice and started to cry. It is Batanya.

"It is me" I try to say between sobs. Oh my god. He did not left me. Oh my god.

"You remember me right? Batanya from Rhodes? I am tasked to protect you."

"Thank you so much" I could not stop crying. Come on Sookie, he did not left you, see. I keep saying my self. All these are tears of relief and love. I will see him again. I will kiss him again. This time I will shout my love to him, every fucking night. I can correct my mistakes. Oh my god, thank you so much, so very much.

AN:

These characters and all the plots belongs to Charlaine Harris, I am just playing in the sand box...

*I hope you enjoy. English is not my native language and this work is un-beta-ed, so all the mistakes are mine...

Also, a guest reviewer suggested that I should have a beta. Anyone interested?


	7. Chapter 7

AN: I am so exited, I have an awesome beta. This chapter would never be "this nice" without my dear BETA. Thank you very much Breathesgirl, for giving your time and making this story so much MORE.

Also there are some points and events taken from DEA, but not all. Like the divorce was enforced in the office Eric used in Fangtasia where Freyda, Felipe, Pam and Eric present but no other. However, Arlene has a different murder plot in this story. So with no further ado...

Disclaimer: Also all the characters belong to Charlaine Harris I am just playing in the sandbox...

Then I started to cry harder.

Why, how, the fuck do I know that he's the one who sent Batanya?

I keep saying no more assuming yet I assume, again, the next second. Am I retarded or what!

Batanya used to work for a king. What if it was Felipe who contracted her? What if he is planning to take me after Eric leaves? As always, I assumed and I am even more broken up now than I was before.

It's like a dam broke somewhere inside me. I can't stop crying. Stupid, stupid me! Of course I'm fair game if he already left with that bitch. Oh my God! Did he leave? Is he done with me now? I rescinded his invitation, again, that night. Of course, the divorce was bad but didn't he come and warn me?

I think back over the time we've been together. I just broke the bond, broke it without discussing it with him, without even warning him! How did he treat me then? He just said that he was angry and refused to come to me that night for fear he might do something regrettable.

Of course I banned him from my home, from my heart: acted as though we are done, like we were really divorced. I act as if the marriage, which I never honored in my heart, was ended. I just honored the ending of a marriage I never honored, never the marriage itself! I kept saying it was just vampire bullshit. Now, when I am forced to end the same vampire bullshit, I act as if it was something real to me.

I am a hypocrite!

How stupid of me! Did I behave like that because I was humiliated in public? I mean "public" like in a private room. Yeah. I mean in front of Freyda. However, wasn't it me that used the cluviel dor in an even more public place? I used it in front of the whole Long Tooth pack and used it for Sam, yeah ok, for one of my suitors. At least people are thinking he is. I didn't even think about the fact that Eric could possibly feel humiliated or disrespected because of the public act, did I?

I mean do I even love him? It seems like I never think of his needs and wishes, never do right by him. Surely he did not feel the love I have for him because of my actions. Did I ever do something good for him? I didn't ever buy him a stupid present or even a card from Wal-Mart. I never praised him because I was afraid I would only boost his ego. Such a spouse! Such a lover! NOT!

How can he even love me? Of course, here again, I am waiting for him to honor me even after all the shit I put him through. Yeah I definitely deserve to be here.

Ok, stop Sookie. Stop and think for once. Who sent Batanya?

"_Batanya, thank you for coming. Can you tell me who hired you?_" Maybe she will answer if I'm polite... yeah, wishful thinking.

"_I am not allowed to identify my employer but there is a message for you."_

Oh shit, please God, please let it be Eric! Please don't let it be Felipe!

_"What is the message then please?"_

_"This is right. This is best."_

Relief hits me fast and hard! He really didn't leave me in here to rot!

No matter how hard I try I can't stop sobbing, not even if my life depended on it. After all the fights, angst, disrespect, bitterness and pain I put him through, he has not left me! This is my rock bottom and he is there, yet again, to be the one to give his help, his hand, his heart. Even though I stomped on his heart over and over, he hasn't left me!

I so do not deserve him. I went after Bill when he left me and cheated on me. I even staked Lorena after learning of Bill's indiscretions. I become a murderer for him. I even forgave him after he raped me! What woman in her right mind forgives her rapist?!

Why on the earth do I treat Eric so differently, so lovelessly, so carelessly? Have I ever asked how he felt? Have I ever asked if I could help with something, even if it was just paperwork? Of course not! God please help me be the woman I was raised to be: to do right by my husband. Yes, even if we were forced into a divorce he is my husband, the husband of my heart.

I will do this somehow, I will get out of this cell, kill that bitch and take my husband back. I will! No matter what! Even if he doesn't want me after all of this I won't leave him to become a slave all over again!

"_What is wrong with you?"_ Batanya asked.

How can I tell her all these things: that I need a plan, that I need to get my husband back, that I need to get out and find the person who really killed Arlene and her kids?

"_I guess these iron bars are affecting me. I feel sick and feverish."_ I have never in my life been affected by iron, I know it is a fae treat, but why it is affecting me now?

_"But you are only one eighth fae."_

_"I know but something is wrong and I don't know what. I've never really been sick. Maybe the occasional cold, never something like this."_

_"Tell me, what changed? What did you do before today that related to the fae?"_

I tell her about Claude and Uncle Dermot living with me, the breathing thing, Niall's visit and his blessing. I guess it was a blessing. Was it? Is there more?

I never really know what is happening around me, it seems. I never know the meanings of situations and actions within the supernatural world. How could I? I've never given him the chance to explain! Then, finally, I tell her about the cluviel dor. About my wish: for Sam to live. Her expression changes when I tell her about the cluviel dor. I guess there was shock, disappointment, sadness and something I couldn't determine. Pity maybe?

_"Were you touching him when the cluviel dor opened?"_

_"I guess, I don't really remember much. I'm not even sure what I thought or said besides " 'live'. _

"_This is not good. We will need help._" Her demeanor changes, she seems even more serious than before.

What's going on? I know something isn't right but I can't imagine what's wrong.

"_What do you mean?"_ I asked. She didn't answer. She looked to be deep in thought when she looked into my eyes and sniffed the air around us.

"_I will need to consult. Immediately. Just stay here. I will be back as quickly as I can_" and she vanished.

Yeah, like I can go anywhere.

I started to think about that night again. What was the cluviel dor, really, other than a one time use item with great magical properties?

Mr. C told me my wish could change history and that I should think carefully because there would be consequences. Of course I did not think carefully, or at all, really. I just reacted.

Ok, what happened? I remember Sam's heart stopped and I put my hands where he was hurt. Or were my hands on his heart? I don't remember.

I took the cluviel dor out of my pocket, placed it on Sam's chest, said 'live' and the cluviel dor opened.

Oh my god, did I wish for him to 'live' as a human? I mean he IS a shifter, at least he was. Did I take his supernatural side from him? Oh god! I don't even know when the next full moon is. What will Sam think if he isn't able to shift anymore? Oh my god what did I do?

_Okay Sookie, no more assumptions_I keep saying to myself. We will see the results with Sam soon enough but why did Batanya ask about touching? What is the importance of touching him? Did the wish affect me, too, because we were touching? It can't be! Can it?

I am not feeling well. If the wish had affected me somehow, should I not be feeling better, more alive? I feel like I'm dying. Has the course of my life been altered somehow?

A life for a life.

I guess it was his time to go and I disrupted the fates by keeping him alive. So, is the price going to be my life?

Hell, I don't know a damn thing. So, I am back to waiting again. When will Batanya come back? I already feel worse than I did yesterday. Will she be back in time? _Sanity Sookie, sanity and patience,_I keep telling myself. _It is important to keep your sanity_. I need to be on my game to endure one more day.

It is already Saturday night and Monday isn't that far off. One more day. Hopefully, the judge will see that I am not guilty and let me go so I can find out who the real murderer is and clear my name.

I don't even dare think about HIM since I finally stopped crying. I need to control myself. I need to think.

Who killed Arlene, Coby and Lisa? Obviously the note was put in the carry-out bag on purpose but by who?

Everybody saw Arlene leaving Merlotte's with the take-out bag but who poisoned the food? Definitely not me, anyone who knows me would know that I care for her children. I babysat them not so long ago. I could never hurt children! Hers or anyone else's. Of course, I've done my fair share of killing, which no one in town knows about, but still, I would never hurt children.

Do I look stupid enough to write a note and put it in a bag of poisoned food? Of course, payback is a bitch but who would be stupid enough to write that and put it in the bag?It should have been put there after they were dead but by who? Who put the poison in the food? Was it someone working in Merlotte's? Of course, there are new people working now but none of them seem to be murderers,I hadn't heard any murderous thoughts or anything at least. I mean, did they get poisoned by the food or was it something else?

Obviously someone is trying to frame me but who? Who sprung her from jail? I guess the real question is: who is using Arlene.

I know I have a few enemies but which of them wants me behind bars, or worse? This could be Freyda's doing to keep me apart from my... OK, not going there. She already forced us to divorce though. I don't think there is anything more to gain by putting me in jail. Or is there? Could she be suspicious of a fraud or us maybe planning something? Putting me away so I won't read the minds of her retinue and discover their real plans? Possible.

Could it be Felipe's plan somehow? Like when Eric left and he, himself, came to rescue me so I would give into him and be grateful enough to work for him in , why not? He is a devious bastard after all. He wouldn't be the first royal to try to capture me. This could be his plan to 'procure the telepath'. At the end of the day though, the "seduce the telepath" plan has already been used and failed in epic proportions. Without Eric it would have been open season on Sookie!

_Okay, think Sookie: who else_? Oh, fuck! It could be the Fellowship! Steve Newlin is raging against me, I bet, since I put his wife in jail. I'm also the reason he is a fugitive right now. Is he even in the states though? I bet he fled the country the moment his wife was arrested for murder. Then again, he has his followers, even in this town. Could these people be so cruel as to kill children so they can frame me? Again, possible.

None of this makes sense! At the same time all of these theories do make sense. What am I going to do? I need to be out to solve this murder but if I ask Batanya to get me out wouldn't it seem worse for me? Are all escapees not guilty? If I run people will think I'm guilty. I will not run like a guilty convict!

Can I last until Monday though? Especially surrounded by this much iron? I will not be a fugitive! I will show everyone that I am NOT guilty!

I will wait for the trial no matter what it costs me. Yes, that's what I'll do, it is the best course of action.

Just when I make up my mind Batanya appears in front of me,

"_The plan has changed, you are in a great deal more danger here than I presumed. We are leaving for my Britlin."_

TBC


	8. Chapter 8

AN: I am so exited, I have an awesome beta. This chapter would never be "this nice" without my dear BETA. Thank you very much Breathesgirl, for giving your time and making this story so much MORE.

Also there are some points and events taken from DEA, but not all. Like the divorce was enforced in the office Eric used in Fangtasia where Freyda, Felipe, Pam and Eric present but no other. However, Arlene has a different murder plot in this story. So with no further ado...

Disclaimer: Also all the characters belong to Charlaine Harris I am just playing in the sandbox...

"_No! No! No! I can't leave right now!_"

Everyone will think I'm guilty if I leave," I say. I will be declared guilty if I run now, won't I? I mean, even if it is possible for Batanya to abduct me from this cell; I will be doomed by police and everyone if I run.

_"You are being poisoned by the iron as we speak. There is no way to keep you alive if we do not leave now. Maybe not even then. You are not the way I was informed or I would reconsidered the job." _

What? No, this can't be possible. Iron does not affect me.

Ok. Even as I say this I know it's not true. It is affecting me. But what the heck? I am not that bad. Surely I will not die in here. She talks like I am doomed to die. I mean I am feeling bad but...

_"Is it that bad?" I ask._

It seems I only ask questions like I never have an answer for anything. Am I going to die? Really? Because of iron? What a stupid way to go! The town gossip will be like "ohh poor Sookie, she couldn't handle being imprisoned. Her poor heart couldn't take it. Her Gran would be ashamed she was in prison in the first place then died there. Poor Adele."

Arggh. What the heck is wrong with me! I am still thinking about what people will think even though the townspeople never really cared about me. Stupid! Stupid me!

_"Yes" _

Batanya replied. Yeah, apparently it's hard to come up with a full sentence.

_"What would be the difference if I came with you? If I am poisoned, I am poisoned. The place surely will not matter."_

Assumptions Sookie, assumptions! I chastise myself yet again. Is assuming engraved in my DNA or something? I keep doing it, constantly, it seems. What the heck do I know about their dimension? Nothing! Absolutely nothing!

_"Britlin will be a stalemate for your health. You will not get better or worse. I am duty bound, first and foremost, to keep you alive. If you die while I am under contract I will be dishonored no matter the cause. My duty is to simply keep you alive. You will not be alive much longer in this place."_

Huh. Talk about shock. Much longer? How long? An hour, a day, a month? Supes, no matter which breed, never give the straight answers I want. Are my questions wrong somehow or is it my expectations?

_"But why is iron affecting me now?_

_"I know you gals are pretty serious about the job you do. I mean I am surprised you left after you got here. What changed? What is so urgent that you need to consult someone? If this is about the cluviel dor I did not wish anything for myself. I just used it to save a friend's life. There was nothing about me. I did not do anything different from I normally would. I hadn't drunk from Eric in months and we weren't even bonded any more."_

_"Even if all your questions are important there is no time. Either we leave now or I will be forced to break my contract immediately."_

My jaw dropped to the floor. Break the contract? Really? It's that serious? I guess it's more serious than I assumed. I did become acquainted with Britlingens, under dire circumstances, but her face never showed this much edginess. Even under the extreme stress during the bombing of Rhodes she was cool, calm and collected. What's going on? What's really wrong here? I know I never understand much about the supe world but she seems so on edge. At least, thank god, I can't read her mind. I know enough about body language to see something's wrong though. So the question is: what should I do? Should I go with her? What about Eric? What about the marriage? I can't leave him, not again!

Regardless I can't do anything from here. I won't be any good to him if I die from being poisoned. Shit, there is no choice at all.

Can I trust Batanya?

_"So, you are here to keep me alive?"_ I couldn't help but ask again.

"_Yes_"

_"How long are you supposed to keep me alive?"_

_"Until the end of the wedding in two weeks," _

Batanya replied and I started to cry again. He's still going to go through with marrying the stupid cow?

You know, it's interesting what a woman thinks while she cries.

My mind was shaken with images of them having sex, kissing or touching. Eric looking into her eyes with passion: The passion he had shown me when he was under the witch's spell, like when he asked me if I would go back with him and have a life of our own. Looking at her with fire in his eyes, the same fire which was only for me, until now.

Then a fire started in me. My insides are burning from the images: my mind, my heart are on fire. I feel like the fire will spread from my own eyes and burn everything around me without discrimination

Then I imagine her being burned. Her hair first, her overly manicured nails after, her designer clothes along with her stupid smiling face. Even her toes are being burned in those fuck me heels. I imagine her words to me the night she came to my house, burned. I imagine her eyes, looking at me with overconfidence, being burned the night she forced us to divorce.

Just then, I heard Batanya,

_"STOP! Sookie stop right now. You are wasting precious time. This is not good. Now, either take my hand or order me to leave and break the contract."_

Is there really a choice at all?

_"I need to come back before the wedding. I can not permit myself to miss that. He is my husband. Is this agreeable?"_

_"Yes,"_ she says so and I take her hand.

I know I am strong, but boy, this teleporting thing, believe me it is really bad. My head is spinning, I feel nauseous. I feel like I could vomit or faint at any moment.

Batanya is holding me. What? How did I end up on the ground? I am shaking. What's going on? I remember once Claudine teleported me but I did't feel this bad then. Is teleportation different between species?

_"Come on, hold my hand," _

Batanya says but my body seems to not want to obey my orders. I cannot even lift my arms.

I look her in the eyes and say,

_"I ... I... can't."_ Even my teeth are shaking. What the heck is wrong? What is happening?

Batanya lifts me onto my bed. My bed? What? Are we in my house? Aren't we going to Britlin? Why are we here? What are we doing here? This will be the first place the police look. We cannot be here, not for long at least.

_"What do you absolutely need?"_ she asked.

I guess "absolutely" is the key word. Then I think, what do I absolutely need? Of course the answer is quite simple.

_"Can't we take Eric with us? To your home I mean."_

That look again, is it pity? There is something I don't get here. Think Sookie, think. What is the problem?

I am still shaking but it seems to have lessened now. Yeah, teleportation is crappy.

Oh, crap. Is it because of the teleportation or iron? Oh oh.

_"Is this because of iron?"_ I ask.

_"Yes,"_ seems to be her standard answer to just about everything.

Yeah it is always difficult to explain for supes then one word answers.

Why are all the supes obsessed with one word answers? Can't anybody tell this poor telepath something more?

_"I need to make some calls. Think about what you will absolutely need, nothing more. Each item requires more energy. So less is better. Try to take deep breaths and calm is still a long night ahead of us."_

Long night? Of course, I always receive good news at night nothing less...

So Eric is not an option I guess, since she didn't even bother to answer.

What is an absolute necessity then? Underwear, jeans and T-shirts. Shampoo, do they have shampoo or soap? Comb? Also I need my brother's shotgun. Would it be considered rude to bring a gun with you to somewhere you are a guest or would it be stupid not to bring it? Ultimately they are warriors, are they not? Oh god, what did get myself into this time?

I slowly rise from my bed and take some deep breaths as she suggested. I feel slightly better once I do, so I start to pack. In a few minutes the bag I'm packing is full. To be honest, I'm not even sure what I put in other than the two most important things.

Anyway, what I packed will be enough.

I walk out to the kitchen, where Batanya is talking on the phone, with my bag. I keep looking around. Will I need something from the kitchen? Do they have foods I normally eat?

While looking around the house something feels different.

It feels like there is something amiss, like something has changed. My dear house is not the same in a way. All the stuff is where it belongs but I don't know, it's just different. Like it is a perfect copy of my house but it is a copy in the end. It feels...wrong somehow, like it is not my dear old farm house. The dearness is somehow broken. Everything looks the same: the tomatoes are in the right place, the coffee maker, the table, but something just seems...off. It seems cold in a way, like an old and worn house but not home. Is it because of my jail experience? Has running from my lot in life changed me that much?

I keep looking but can't define it, so I let it go. There are more important things right now: Like what is wrong with me.

At that point Batanya turns to me and asks if I am ready. There is nothing to say; so I nod my head. She turns to the phone again while indicating she needs a few more moments.

I try to listen to somewhat rudely but also inevitably to learn what is going on. What she says to the person on the other end; but I don't understand anything other than "there is no other way", "New Orleans", "because of my debt" and "before". I guess we are leaving for New Orleans but I can't imagine what ties New Orleans has to Britlin.

After she is through she asks, again, if I'm ready.

For the love of my life; I take a deep breath and try to brace my self for the nausea. While I nod, I also try find my courage. Ok Sookie, it is ok, I keep telling myself, sort of like a mantra.

When I open my eyes again I find myself in a familiar place. The nausea has other ideas this time though. I run the familiar hall directly to the bathroom and empty all there is in me; then I lay on the cold bathroom floor. Cold helps somehow. After a few minutes, or was it an hour, I finally pull myself together and go back out to the hallway.

_"What are we doing in Hadley's old apartment?"_ I ask.

Just as she says that we are waiting for the witches, Amelia and Octavia burst in. Always a strong broadcaster, Amelia runs to me and embraces me. Okay, I now know that they are putting the spell together to open up the portal to Britlin. She has never done it before so she is too excited. I slowly back away. Yeah touching is not so good right now, it seems to amplify every thought more than before.

_"Sookie, honey we were so worried. What happened? What's going on now?" _ Amelia looks me over carefully and asks before I can say anything,

_"What is wrong with you?"_

Yeah that makes two of us; asking the same questions. Octavia embraces me awkwardly as well. I hug her too, but pull back quickly. Yeah, there is definitely something wrong with touching.

I start to say that it is a long story and I don't know much of anything but Batanya has other ideas and breaks up our conversation quickly.

_"We don't have much time. You should start to open the portal immediately. We have to leave within the next 15 minutes."_

They first look at me like they are waiting for me to say something but when I don't; they get down to business.

I guess they already know what they will be doing because they work rather quickly and every piece of the spell is already in place. For fear of breaking their concentration I don't say a word.

After some incantations and some herb burning the air in the room starts to change somehow the air is getting thinner. Either my vision is blurry or the portal is openning in the living room of Hadley's old apartment.

Oh my god, the way to Britlin is through Hadley's old living room!

I can not stop giggling once I realize this. Each head turns to me and they look at me like I've lost it or something. So once again I take deep breaths to calm myself, it is definitely not a humorous situation for them.

Batanya turns to me and extends her hand,

_"You cannot break our connection. Take a deep breath and do not drop my hand no matter what."_

I take a few deep breaths, thank my friends and tell them goodbye. I hold Batanya's hand tight while thinking about Dorothy, Toto and Kansas.


	9. Chapter 9

AN:

This was one of the chapters I enjoyed most, I hope you do too.

This chapter would never be "this good" without my dear BETA. Thank you very much Breathesgirl and I promise one day I will learn the difference between then and than. Also I will never again send you a chapter without I am sure first and put you through double work thank you with smileys.

There are some points and events taken from DEA, but not all. Like the divorce was enforced in the office Eric used in Fangtasia where Freyda, Felipe, Pam and Eric present. Also the TALK had happened between Eric and Sookie after the divorce at her home, where he asked her to become his mistress and told her that he should have already made her his child and she rescind his invitation.

The name Saoirse means "freedom, liberty."; has strong patriotic overtones also pronounced as sear + sha.

Disclaimer: All the characters belong to Charlaine Harris I am just playing in the sandbox...

EPOV

I should not have spoken in anger. I should not have put my words in that order. I should have known that she would not understand. I should have known that she would only take the stupidest words in them, and not look at, or understand, the true meaning underlying the words.

She will never understand how difficult this is for me. Still, I am the one that is a thousand years old. I should have been the responsible one and told her my plans, her possible role, in a language she understands but she has the ability to make me so much more furious than anyone else does or can. I lose all my fucking sense when I am with her. I lost all my fucking patience when I saw the disbelief in her eyes.

Of course I knew she would be angry with me after the divorce, fuck, I am angry with myself for that. However, there was no other way to stall for the time I did not have. Did I not go to her house the night before to warn her? Did I not tell her that nothing had changed, that she should disregard what would be said and done? Did she never think of the risks I was taking by going to her? Since the fucktard Felipe arrived in Shreveport I have not have a second alone. The bitch of Oklahoma is not getting off my back, either. Talk about the tail.

SHE is the telepath. She should at least pay attention to her surroundings. The fucking King and Queen were also listening to our conversation after the fucking divorce. They were within her mental radar. She could have sensed them if she wanted. What was I supposed to say to her with eavesdroppers? The only thing I was able to come up with was the opposite of our original conversations as a message. I thought that she would understand my underlying message, so that the eavesdroppers would understand one thing whereas Sookie would hear something else entirely. I believed she would understand from my face. But fuck my assumptions. I only tried to tell her that I am still the same. I told her what I would never commit. It was a subtle message which only she should have been able to understand but of course she did not pay attention to the subtle meaning of my words.

Fuck my overworked brain. Fuck my damned assumptions. Fuck my faith in her love. Will she now totally abandon me?

Fuck my life. Did she really believe, for one second, that I would turn her against her wishes? Did she fucking believe that I would make her my mistress? Obviously I know her better than she knows me! Do I not know her deepest fear? How can she believe I would publicly dishonour her: my true wife, the wife of my heart by having her as my Mistress, while I get married to that bitch. Fuck my life! Fuck my fucking life. How did everything go downhill so fast? How can I fucking keep up with every fucking thing? I feel like my brain will fry if I am not careful. Of course I am devious but even I need help once in a while. I need some help from my trusted circle, which she should be a part of. Even I need a little bit of understanding in these dire times. Is it too much to ask, and expect, understanding and support from my wife? Is it so wrong of me to expect for others to have a little bit of faith in me?

Should I always be the one to have all the answers? Can't she, for just one second, believe in me, in what I told her all these times? Do all our feelings evaporate in one night's worth of shit? Doesn't she see that I am doing all I can to stop this fucking contract? How many times did I put my life over hers? Why does she never trust me? I told her again and again that I love her. I even told her what was to come the fucking night before. Why does she never believe me? I am the untrustworthy one, as always. One fucking misunderstanding and she throws me to the curb. Again. Fuck my life. Fuck my belief in her intelligence.

Fuck my life. I need to concentrate. I need space and time. I need to talk to my children. How the fuck could I get rid of my fucking tails? I need a few more nights. I need to pay attention and not get distracted by these fucking events. I need a plan, a workable plan. I need to prepare for every fucking contingency.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Finally, after a few days, I am by myself in one of my safe houses. I open my eyes and lay on my bed. I don't want to move even an inch. Just for one fucking night I don't want to move from my bed. I wish she was here in my arms again, but would she even want to? Focus! I fucking need to focus. I need my children. I feel that Karin is finally in town. Has she completed the agreement with the Britlingens? Are they here as well? After a few more minutes of babbling to myself I finally get up from my bed to shower. I also call my children to me, to indicate where I rested this day.

Cold water somehow helps me center my thoughts. I have a theory about the fucking players in all this; but I need Pam's opinion, she was there at all times. Nonetheless I know she will twitch her hands at the result. Yeah she definitely will love the result of my theory.

When I get out of the shower my two beautiful children are waiting for me in my chambers. I cannot see anything more but my senses are on high alert, so I know the Britlingens are here as well. I go to my first child, Karin.

"_Karin_," her name is like a prayer on my tongue.

"_Thank you for coming back to me._" She goes down on one knee but holds my gaze.

"_Of course, master. My life is yours._" My internal state of being is a mess and they know it. I have never been this shattered, they know that too. On the other hand I truly missed her and I am grateful she is here.

"_No, my child, it is your own life, not mine, not anymore. I am in need of people I can really trust. I know I can trust you with my life._"

She just looked me in the eye and nodded. There is no need for words, we understand each other. We always will.

"_I can see you have accomplished your task. Please, you can show yourselves, we are totally alone in this house._"

I said this to the Britlingens and they know it. They immediately stop cloaking themselves. One of the faces is familiar.

_"I am Clovache and this is our matriarch Saoirse. Specifically, we answered your request because we know your connection to Sookie Stackhouse. After Rhodes we are in her debt. It was probable that we would not have achieved, not completely at least, our task there without her help. Our Matriarch has taken this contract to honor her role at that time. We know your understanding of honor is different from ours but Britlingens never back down from a debt of honor."_

My jaw is on the floor at her words. Their matriarch! Oh fuck, we will prevail! Oh my dear wife, of course something you did turned the tide in our favor!

Finally! Fucking finally some good news! The look on my children's faces is priceless. My dearest wife, you should be here to at least see Pam's face! I know you would never let her forget. Oh how I love you! I am so proud of you. To get the attention of the matriarch of the Britlingens,only you my dear wife, only you could have done that, even without meaning to.

I start to laugh. Everyone in the room looks at me, shocked. I need to explain since no one wants to offend the matriarch of the Britlingens.

_"Our King, our arrogant King, Felipe de Castro. The King who thinks so highly of himself, extended his formal protection to my wife after she saved his life from the legend bodyguard, Siegebert, of our late Queen. Our King would have met his true death without her. I can only imagine the look on his face if he were to know that you, Matriarch of the Britlingens, is here because of her!"_

Everyone chuckled after my explanation. In the end we are all sharks in the sea. Some, much more lethal than the others. Like Saoirse over Felipe. If he could I'm sure Felipe would piss his pants. Her name is a legend in our world and she is standing here, in front of me. Telling me about my wife. Faith will rule the day! Faith in ourselves and each other!

_"Please, let me extend my many thanks and gratitude first and foremost. I know the importance of you honoring both my wife and my wishes. I am deeply grateful. This is a time of dire need for us. We have been obliged to do, and say, many things over the last few nights. Now I believe there is a bigger plot than we know. We are being used as a means to an end, both of us. I believe our lives have been forfeited by the players. We are in dire need of your protection."_

_"We understand. We will take all the information you have or obtain and arrange protection accordingly."_

This is the intellectual voice of reason. Something I am severely lacking in most these days. We need to know the role each of the players has: everyone, friend or foe, who has a part in our lives. They all have a role, we just need to figure out what it is. Our inner circle of trusted allies was penetrated, our knowledge about the spies somehow incomplete. Felipe knew more about our lives, and our battles, than I had suspected. I start from the beginning, with my suspicions: I start with the relationship between my wife and Bill Compton.

_"According to what I have discovered, and the suppositions drawn from these discoveries, this all started when Billy boy took his first trip Peru. This trip was also after Sookie and Bill finally break up and I think he was accusing me for his failures. I believe he took the "short" way returning home by flying over Europe. He meets with Appius Livius Ocella, my maker, under the guise of trying to add him to his database. He was actually there to notify him about a specific love interest in my life, Sookie, a lowly human, a bloodbag in my Maker's eyes. I believe Ocella was intrigued then. However, when I made Bill confess his true mission to Sookie he contacted my maker again. I believe that was the point when Ocella decided to visit me, using the excuse of needing help with my younger sibling..._

Saoirse interrupts me at this point,

_"What was this Bill Compton's true mission?"_

_"He was sent by our then Queen to procure the telepath at any cost, regardless of Sookie's wants and wishes in the matter." _ She nodded to indicate for me to continue.

_"I believe he got the idea to contact my maker from his own maker, Lorena, when she tortured him for days to gain his vampire database. I believe he became agitated after Rhodes because of the blood bond forged between Sookie and myself. Sookie chose to save my child, Pam, and myself during the Rhodes bombings instead of him although she did end up saving him. This was the first straw in the stack which broke the camel's back, it was the first crack which led to his breaking point Things were not going his way, she was not taking him back to her bed, so he either called or went to see Ocella to inform him about the blood bond. Somehow he knew he could aggravate Ocella with the mention of our blood. I do not know if you have the knowledge but our elders consider our blood to be sacred. I am one of those who believes the blood to be sacred. I know Ocella would have been furious with me because I gave my blood for someone who was not set to become, or already, my child."_

_"I believe Ocella was already in the country, most likely in Oklahoma, where he would be far enough away that I wouldn't feel him, unless I was looking for him; yet close enough to monitor the situation and intervene quickly if he thought he needed to."_

_"With the bombing our Queen, Sophie-Anne, was severely injured. Our state was already in a precarious position. Even though the true death of her child, Andre, made our situation more desperate we were still hopeful that she would recover and resume her throne. I am proud to say that I believe my wife had a role in Andre's demise. In the end he was the one to force our bonding. If I had not interrupted, Sookie would have been tied to him. While our Queen was recovering we discovered the interests of Nevada and Oklahoma in our state. Two sharks were circling the minnow, if you will. I have not yet discovered why it was two different states from two different clans, nevertheless it was so. In order to takeover a state outside your own clan borders, the clan committee needs to approve the plan; so you don't weaken what is already yours. Rhodes was our clan's summit. There were guests from others clans but it was primarily Amun business. It would be accurate if you were to state that Amun was quite weak after the bombings."_

_"That was also when Niall inserted himself into our lives. We, a small trusted circle of people, learned about my wife's fae heritage at this point. I believe this was another important point in the downfall of Bill Compton. He became more furious, blaming his own foolhardiness on others. He had lost something too had wronged, of all possible people and species, the Great granddaughter of the Prince of the Sky Fae. She was his human, his pet, and she slipped through his fingers. He could not control her. As a result he lost more power than he knew he could have possessed. He miscalculated and he lost too much. Niall would have killed him if he had learned the plans Bill had for Sookie, what he had done to her, all because of a greedy queen."_

_"The first signs of a takeover were at a wedding both my wife and Bill attended. This is what first tipped me off that Bill Compton was a traitor. He never told me about the wedding guests. We were worried about a possible takeover, and had very little knowledge of possible players, yet he never informed me, his sheriff, about the vampires from other states at the wedding. I still don't know and have my suspicions of how a vampire from Nevada knew about a wedding in Bon Temps. Instead it was Sookie who informed me. When the actual takeover happened, we were at my wife's house. He confessed his undying love to her. As a realistic leader I was forced to think of a way to save my retinue, my wife, her witch friend and myself. I find it interesting that during our first meeting after the takeover, Felipe knew a lot about my wife. A good commander gathers important information and uses it for his own gains but he knew intimate things, things which only those of us in the inner circle would know. He knew who killed Lorena, about the Pelts a family my wife had problems with. Sookie had an interest in John Quinn, the tiger, at one time. We found out that night that he was giving information to de Castro but there are things which even he did not know. Given the extent of the information I am almost positive Bill and Quinn were in collusion together. Bill had the information and Quinn was the messenger since he did not require vampire permission to enter or leave an area and since Nevada was using his mother and sister; he could be coerced."_

_"This brings us to the most unfortunate event of our life together. Neave and Lochlan. She was abducted by the fairy monsters. At that time, I had arranged for us to pledge because I was afraid she would be abducted by the King or Victor, his lieutenant in Louisiana."_

Saiorse interrupted me at this point,

_"She endured torture by the evil twins and survived? _

I nodded. We all knew that no one had survived before. There was a new wave of respect for my wife in the room.

I continued,

_"Bill was her guard for the night and informed me she had been abducted by Fairies. I wanted to be to her guard but I was occupied by Victor, forced to endure his nonsense. I guess he was just bidding his time, it was like he knew something were to happen. He tried to act like everything was normal but when I tried to go to my wife immediately after I learnt what happened, he chained both my child and myself. He claimed he knew nothing about the King's protection and pronounced that he could not let me start another war between vampire and the Fae. I was too preoccupied with Sookie's ordeal at the time so I did not notice the slip. I had not told him who had taken her, yet he knew."_

I take a deep breath to control my anger. The more I explain, the more I know it is the truth.

_"Bill and Niall reached her just before she was murdered while I was held by silver chains and her pain. Those who were guarding Pam remembered who it was they owed fealty to and allowed her to call the King. Victor was made to release us. Even though I killed Brendean, I still feel I was incompetent considering the situation. I helped Bill to survive for the sake of my wife's conscience and as payment for going to her aid. I believe it was his plan to become her final and absolute hero. I believe he had gone mad with the marriage and her forgiveness of me. He had silver poisoning at the time. I believe he was thinking that he would finally die and planned to take me with him. Since my wife has such a kind and generous heart she called his sibling to come to his aid in order to prevent his true death."_

_"I believe Ocella's arrival, with my sibling in tow, fell right in with Bill's plans. If he weren't so puritanical I think he would have made a spectacle of himself and done what my wife calls a happy dance. However, their arrival was not enough to part me and my wife. Even though my maker and sibling lost their undead lives at the end, the contract my maker made on my behalf is still in effect. I believe the contract with Oklahoma was made just after we became blood bound to one another. I also believe Felipe knew about the contract and saw his chance to use it all to his advantage. That chance in particular allowed me to be the only surviving sheriff after the takeover. He killed two birds with one stone, without getting his own hands dirty. The King surely knew a power hungry Victor would force our hands with extreme measures. That way, he made sure, we killed his immediate rival, the Regent of Louisiana, and he solved an ongoing territorial dispute with Oklahoma with the marriage contract. We have survived so much together yet I am afraid this marriage contract may break us."_

_"In June there was a plot against me. I supposedly killed a fang banger at my house when Felipe was present. It was the plot of an over enthusiastic Were who was targeting us because she was jealous of Sookie. Bill should have smelled the Were, and the fairy blood, at my house but he claimed he neither saw nor smelt anything out of the ordinary. Bill is still telling my wife lies, hoping to convince her that I will finally, definitely, leave her for something she knows I do not want: more power. He is playing, once again, on her insecurities, and breaking her heart once again, for his own possible gains. He has openly admitted to me that he will rejoice in the fact that I will not be able to keep her."_

"_Other then the betrayers within our ranks; and for the bigger political picture, I am still curious about the position of..."_ I stop speaking when another Britlingen, Batanya, materializes in front of us.

"_Mother, it is more dire than we contracted for. I am forced to either break the contract or take her to our home._"

To say I was shocked was the understatement of the decade!

"_What is wrong?"_ I asked but she did not paid any attention to me.

Saoirse looked her in the eye as if telling her to elaborate.

"_Iron poisoning. Alarm red,_" Batanya replied without hearing the question.

What the fuck? Iron poisoning? What the fuck!

"_She has never been affected by iron before,_" I say immediately.

She turns her head to me,

"_Was she touching Sam when the Cluviel Dor opened?"_ she asks but I am too bewildered to formulate a sentence so I nod my head, dumbfounded. That damn shifter! Again!?

She nods to me and turns to Saoirse who nods but there is a look in her eyes. What is it? What the fuck is happening?

Batanya evaporates with a bow.

What the fuck just happened?

I turn to Saoirse again but she says nothing else until,

_"She will live."_

_TBC_


	10. Chapter 10

AN: Thanks to my brilliant beta, Breathesgirl; without her this chapter would be totally unreadable. It is quite a transitional, descriptive and short one with a cliffy. Don't hate me. Promise to update soon...

Disclaimer: All the characters belong to Charlaine Harris I am just playing in the sandbox...

SPOV

This is not the first time I'm witnessing a fight, however it is the first time I have ever seen a Mother and daughter fighting against one another. I know it's only training but still. It is a fierce fight! Even though I know this is just sparring; the combatants still look, and act, deadly, causing me to cringe in sympathy with each hit or fall. The onlookers are cheering on their favorite! The mother is experienced and is fighting with everything she has. Whereas the youngling is a little bit faster, I guess that's why her head is still over her body. I assume so, at least.

It is a close call, I mean it seems so to me. Their training arena is shaped like a triangle and all the fighting has to stay in the borders of arena. It is kind of weird for a training ring if you think, yeah I was expecting a circle rather; but Batanya explained that it is symbolic. Every angle of the triangle stood for a symbol. The winner, the loser and the honor of a fair fight.

Every eye is fixed on the fight but mine keep going to their beautiful sky.

I have been in Britlin for ten days now and the essence of life is different here, much different from what I am used to.

Britlin is like... it is actually like a different realm. Yeah, I am short with words.

The flow of daily life and the culture of society is so different here. I have been in a mild state of shock ever since I got here: Even if Batanya and I had had a chance to talk about the differences between homes; I still would not have understood the differences.

For one thing, the sky is green with bronze glimmers. The color of nature is blue, Like the trees and all. The leaves go to navy and then gray in the autumn. It is so dreamy: When you look to the horizon you see green and blue together but in a shuffled way. Their sun, or their Geist is a brilliant sea green with bronze glimmers. At the dusk or down the sun gets blueish with yellow-bronze glimmers. It shines in a poetic way to me. I am still amazed by everything I see. I stare at everything. It's like I may never see it again. Probably I won't, ever.

It's the tenth day and I am still amazed and can't take my eyes off of whatever I'm looking at.

There are no big cities here. It's like they have settled all the land that is fit for settlement. Every house has its own huge garden. I really don't have fair enough words to describe the beauty of the gardens. Or the flowers. By the way, the gardens aren't just for their viewing pleasure, they are functional since every Britlingen produce their own food. If they don't already have something, or didn't grow it that season, they exchange for it. There is no money here. Hey, no Tax also! If you need something; you exchange for it or make it yourself, simple. Other than the fine armory and weapons, everything is equal. Like a tomato equals a brick; sort of. Every woman over a certain age gets her own home and is expected to fulfill her own needs. There are no ivory castles here. Their leader, or matriarch, does the same household work as everyone else. Like all commodity, people are equals too.

The matriarch is chosen according to experience and strength and number of daughters she had is important since female children are seen as an addition to society. Similar to packs in our world but still so very different. In order to choose their matriarch they get together and talk. No deadly fights or competitions! They simply choose who is the most respected within their circle of elders.

They are not power hungry either. They don't see being the Matriarch as a position of power; instead a responsibility to their society. A variant one between the elders. There is of course pride in being the Matriarch but the pride lies mostly past accomplishments, not in positions. Even to just be suggested as the next Matriarch gives one the right to be prideful.

Their honor is everything: I mean everything. Say, for example, they are growing tomatoes, they are proud if the tomatoes are really delicious; not proud that they are capable of growing them. To serve their guest what they perfectly accomplished is the most honorable thing. Just like their successfully ended contracts. It is like they only acknowledge work done well, nothing less.

It has been a real different experience for me: To witness such a different perspective of life. It is like seeing the other end of the rainbow. Don't get me wrong: rainbow does not refer to softness, it refers to balance.

Everyone in Britlin from children to elders; male and female are educated warriors. They are meant to be warriors from the cradle. However: they really have something worth fighting for, fighting well for. What they built in their realm is something to fight till death for. It is peaceful, it is happy, it is humane and each of them knows the worth of themselves and their home. They happily fight to sustain it. They learn to fight from the beginning of their lives for their home's eternal sustainment. They fight for their homes security, they fight for its essence and they fight for its peace. I mean they didn't pollute their soil or sky or water. They haven't polluted themselves with money or personal gains. They didn't consume their nature for short term gains. So, they are rightfully proud of it.

It would be wrong for me to assume that fighting is a necessity, because it isn't. They get joy from the fight. I guess it's because they fight for something that means the world to them. Literally. Their price is too high, and I get it now, simply because they are the best at what they do.

They not only fight among themselves for practice but they will fight any and everything if it means to protect their lives, their home or their honor. They simply do the best work or they don't do it at all. Their take on life brings to mind the saying; A job worth doing is worth doing well.

In my ten days here, I learned that they take only jobs of protection, because they are not soldiers for sale or guns for hire. It is in their nature to protect so taking on jobs to protect fits right in with their credo, I think.

I hope they protect my husband well. Even if I believe in their work, something inside me is anxious: I feel like I need to be with him no matter what.

That thought finally brings me back to my original trouble: why I am here to begin with. Iron poisoning.

Yeah, Batanya finally explained her theory or reasoning for my poisoning. I finally got my long awaited answers and explanations but truth be told I am afraid. Answers, like always, are nothing but hard truths and never bring any peace of mind.

After I got my overdue answers, I again had to face my own stupidity. I feel even more stupid than I did ten days earlier!

Now I find my dreams of a 'normal' human life tragically comic. For the last two years; to cling my earlier dreams and expectations of life were really stupid and childish. So were my assumptions, my trust and my shallowness. I mean; I always knew I was different. Than came the revelation of vampires. That day actually was the end of my known world. I don't ever know, why I didn't questioned my difference that day as we all learned differences exist. Maybe if I stopped and thought a little, everything would have been different. Maybe, just maybe Gran would have talked to me than, if I asked. Then, I met my very first vampire and others followed shifters, weres, fairies and demons. I know I am young and inexperienced but why did I cling to my humanity so much and denied my differences so deeply? Yeah, just because I'd been called crazy, I was afraid. Even if I learned the day of revelation of supernatural world, I hold on to my fears. It was easier then the truth.

If it weren't for the supernaturals in my life; I probably wouldn't have survived the last two years. They were my miracle; the miracle that keep me alive. Or it wasn't a miracle, it was the sacrifices of friends and family so that I continue to live. I didn't want their sacrifices but if they hadn't; I wouldn't be here now. Either way, now I understand and hope that I can properly appreciate their sacrifice. It's hard to be confronted with something that shakes your whole existence and belief in yourself. Though, I am sworn now, at least to myself, to face down all that is necessary. I'm not going to play hide and seek with my problems or truths any more. I'm not going to hide when the harsh reality didn't exactly live up to my dream world. I understand and appreciate all that effort now, I really do. Now I understand my deficiencies and accept them. Now is the time for me to better myself, so I can do justice to the people who have put in the effort to keep me alive and rightfully honor them as they deserve.

Ok. Cut the pity party. Finally, I get it.

Love is for the other. And before your self. Life is for joy. Liberty is your own. Loyalty is given out of love and respect. Respect is through fairness and wisdom. Also like loyalty, respect is earned; not given. Same goes for the trust. Trust starts from zero and earned trough its peek or stuck at bottom. Wisdom is gained through experience. Experience is through time and social interaction. Together with failures and success. Through losses and gains. Wisdom is also a feeling of self. Being able to understand; not judge. Finally forgiveness is only for the ones who earned it from their hearts not from agendas.

I have heard people all my life but never tried to understand: I judged according to my bubble of knowledge and values. I judged. Everyone judged, at least I think so. We had the hospitality but never real respect for each other. I did lose in the process: I lost a lot. However, lesson learned. Lesson learned from Britlingens.

No fight is over until you accept that it is.

What can I achieve now? In my situation? Fuck iron poisoning. I am not dead yet.

On my third night here Batanya finally explained it all to me. Yeah, my beautiful answers. Stupid me!

As a summary: it was of course my fault, again. Mr. Cataliades had warned me that there would be consequences using the cluviel dor and of course I totally disregarded it, again, just like I always do.

It seems that when I wished for Sam to live I was touching him, not just to the cluviel dor, so I accidentally included my self in the wish because of the contact. Yeah totally stupid. When my wish was "live", and I included myself by touching Sam, the cluviel dor called the bloods in me and made them live or enchanted them alive: It enhanced or transcends my bloods and made them all viable. So, I am a third of all the bloods in me now: One third fairy, one third demon, one third human. And the fairy is poisoned. The demon is burning them all. So, the frail human is trying to survive in the collision and still managing to survive just because of the vampire blood reinforcement.

Quite the poetic justice: A life for a life.

I heard Batanya call out to me. When I turn around she is smiling. Is she smiling?

_"Sookie, we have a visitor who wants to see you."_

I am stunned. Surely my eyes are tricking me? Is it even possible?

Oh gods. Oh my fucking god...


	11. Chapter 11

AN: Thanks to my brilliant beta, Breathesgirl; without her this chapter would be totally unreadable. For the timeline issue, I had to say that this story starts from the middle of the Dead Ever After. The epov on ch. 5 was on the night of the usage of Cluviel Dor and ch.9 on epov was on the Saturday night when Sookie left for Britlin. However, Sookie timeline on first chapter starts from the moment she gets imprisoned almost three nights after the divorce and the talk between her and Eric. Also the plot about the death of Arlene is different from the DEA original. If you have questions, please pm me; I would be happy to answer. So without the further ado...

Disclaimer: All the characters belong to Charlaine Harris I am just playing in the sandbox...

Oh my fucking God. Again! And again!

I never thought he would come here to Britilin!

I never even thought about there being a portal between the two realms! I thought he had closed all the portals! Maybe he only closed the portals to earth?

I never thought I would see him again. I thought I was all alone once the fae left. I didn't think I would ever see another fairy, ever have contact with my great-grandfather again.

There I go again; assuming!

"Great-granddaughter," he greeted me.

Just like that I start crying again.

He materialized in front of me when he realized I wasn't my usual cheery self. He was not as touchy-feely as normal. He was characteristically warm and friendly but he didn't pull me in for a hug or anything, at least not right away. Did he know about the iron poisoning?

Before my mind could form a coherent thought he said,

"I know about the iron poisoning."

I started to cry harder. What the heck is wrong with me? I know he won't help me, not really. He surely won't help my vampire, my husband, my Eric. But if he didn't want to help then why did he tell my husband about the Cluviel Dor? Like a bubble blowing in my head, I thought about how. How did he even manage to tell him since they couldn't be near one another without one, or both, of them being in danger of final death?

I need to get a grip on myself and talk to my great-grandfather, ask my questions, get my answers.

When will my traitorous eyes stop leaking?

Ohh Sookie come on now, this is the chance of a lifetime, one you probably won't ever get again.

"Niall" I finally manage between sobs.

"Hush now, I am here," he said as he hugged me.

The hug was more like a father holding, hugging their child but it felt good. It made me feel better than I had since this whole mess started. Like the knot in my throat lessened. Why the hell is that? Is he doing some fae trick on me? Finally my tears are slowing down and my brain is starting to work. Sort of.

Hey! As he touched me; I feel like something is different. Is that his thoughts I'm hearing now? Has my telepathy become enhanced also? No, not his thoughts, but something is different. I guess I am in a manner understanding his behavior. I know that he wants to soothe me in a way.

"Niall" I said again as an appropriate greeting.

"I am here now. I came to help you, child. There is no need to grieve any more. We will fix this."

I want to believe his words but I can't, not totally. Maybe he will help with this iron shit but surely not with my husband. At least I can't believe he is here to help me regain my vampire husband. All I really want, deep down in my heart, is to be with Eric. I know my family from the other side, the fae, won't want me to be with a vampire since they are natural enemies so he will not help me save my mate: my vampire mate.

Finally my brain decides to start working again. He doesn't need to help me save my man, not really. It will be more than enough for him to help me with this fucking iron poisoning. Who, other than a fairy, would be more experienced with iron poisoning? In the end it's one of his species' natural weaknesses. Since he's the fricking leader of the fairies, Fricking the Prince of fairies, he should know about the problem well enough, I mean the effects of iron. Would he not?

"I will help with the poisoning but I am not sure of the path to follow,"

he said, answering my silent questions as though he is the mind reader and actually heard them. He looks into my eyes like he is searching for answers there, unfortunately I only have questions, no answers.

I try to gather myself for a conversation: At least I should stop crying. If Pam could see me now, she would never let me hear the end of it. Yeah, that thought actually helped. A little smile crept onto my face as I remembered her jokes about humans leaking all the time.

Finally, my brain starts to work properly and I begin to think: What is the most important thing now? What knowledge is the most important? Where should I start? I surely need to focus.

"I know a lot is wrong right now but first I guess I need to learn about the effects of the cluviel dor."

He takes in a deep breath, something I've never seen him do before.

"Child were you not been informed about the consequences of using such a deeply magical object?"

Oh.

"I was warned but I wasn't told that I could also be affected by touching the receiver."

He looks at me sadly, with what looks like pity and incredulity in his eyes;

"Do you not know that fairies touch for a reason? We connect by touching. We transfer part of our beings, or souls, by touching. We even share our breath to give each other part of our essence, to help each other heal. We form a deeper contact by sharing our breath. As, it is the air that keep us alive, the sky fairies. Of course the magic of fairies would affect all the touching parties."

"Is that why I suddenly felt better when you hugged me then? You shared your essence with me through the hug?"

"Of course my great grand daughter, I shared part of my essence with you to help you feel better."

A prize. I will give a fucking prize for anyone who will explain fairy and vampire shit to me before I actually need to know it from now on!

"How could I know since no one has ever bothered to explain any of this crap to me? Claudine was my Fairy Godmother yet she was forbidden to give me important information and Dermot explained what he could but nobody ever sat me down and said 'This is how it is with us.' I was brought up to always tell the truth and expect the truth in return; yet all I have ever gotten from the lot of you is half truths or 'I'm sorry, I can't tell you that, it's not allowed!' About the only times I'm able to get even a half answer is when my life is in mortal danger, never when I actually have time to sit down with someone and ask the questions I want the answers to; so I can clarify things and actually learn what it means to be part fairy!

"Dermot seems very fond of you." What? As if Dermot liking me is important right now? Evasive much?

I chastise myself yet again for assuming. Look to the bigger picture Sookie. What do I really know for sure? Maybe it is important. Maybe it means that I have someone on my side.

I take a deep breath and try to focus my weary brain,

"Dear great-grandfather, I have a lot of questions for both the situation I'm in now and what was happening to me at home. Can we please have a talk? Do you have time now? I have waited a long time for this, I think I have deserved it; after the shit with Neave and Lochlahan. Pardon my language."

Yeah, the guilt card. Always works. And on every species I've come across. No harm will come in at least trying.

Niall smiles slightly as if he understands my trick,

"Great granddaughter, I assure you, I am here for you. Stop grieving now. I will help you, you are my blood. You are one of too few remaining of my bloodline"

Did he say just that I am important or that he'll help just because we're related? Fucking evasive fairies and their never lying asses with only half truths and half answers. Yeah, I'm pissed. Also, what's with everyone and their talk about bloodlines?

What do I need to absolutely know now in order to understand what's wrong with me and what's going to happen in the immediate future?

"What's wrong with me? I used the cluviel dor for someone else but I'm affected by the wish too. What is happening Niall?"

"Child, first let us have some privacy. What do you say to a walk under the Geist of Britlin?"

I turn to look at Batanya and she nods so I tell him that a walk sounds good. I know that she will follow us at a discrete distance to give us some privacy. I feel comforted by her presence more than I thought I would because I know for sure that she will protect me from any one; I mean anyone including my Great grandfather.

It isn't in the Britlingen's nature to trust blindly and Batanya is following her nature which makes me feel like I have at least one ally here.

I am not going to back down from my promise to myself also. No assumptions and no blindly trusting anyone anymore. This is Niall's chance to show me he deserves my trust. He is at my point zero now, considering how he kept me in the dark for so long. I'm willing to listen now but I will weigh the information he gives me then react accordingly.

"Let me start from the beginning then," he says,

"You know that the fae are having difficulty in breeding, yes "

I nod my head uncertainly.

"There are two points of view as to the reasoning behind this.

As you know one is based on interspecies breeding. The other viewpoint is that the essence of the fae has been polluted.

In ancient times, there were many Cluviel Dors. They are made out of love together with old magic. You put your essence into the old magic which forms the beginning stage of a promise or bond between the giver and receiver. In our history; the receiver was accustomed to use the Cluviel Dor to wish things for the giver's benefit. That way, when the one who received the Cluviel Dor used it; they completed the connection; the bond or promise with the one who gave it to them. The effect was like the promised souls recognized each other as mates, soul mates, a rare occurrence now.

We used to wish for patience in hard times or strength for life's hardships for our mates. We used to wish children born out of love. However not for breeding purposes, it was to achieve the union of souls and their mutual creations as children.

Then the war between vampire and fae started. I am still unsure who or what started the war but I do know greed, on both sides, was a motivator. We wanted more than what we already had. The Fae wanted to reign in your realm and Vampires wanted a better food source so the war lasted until we retreated to our realm.

However, we were weak, our numbers had decreased greatly because of the war. We were all so weak after the war ended that everyone stopped using the old magic. Everyone thought that putting a part of our already weak selves into something as strongly magical as a cluviel dor was risking too much.

When we returned home we realized that we could not breed as we could before the war started. Some thought our breeding rate was so low because we had been over exposed to iron. Some pointed to our greed and others thought the gods were punishing us for our greed.

I have always thought it was our greed and the exposure to iron. In our greed we exposed ourselves to one of our greatest weaknesses, iron, and we are still paying for this greed centuries after our first exposure.

We had also abandoned the old magic in order to protect ourselves, prevent ourselves from becoming too weak. However, we were the species created of old magic. With the change or fear, you may say; we become much more self centered so our essence also got affected from the war. We become something else. Where we were the vision of beauty, loveliness and grandeur, we became the vision of beauty with egocentricity, loveliness with deceitfulness and grandeur with supremacy. We tainted ourselves, we became less than or simply different from what we were. Look around you child, what do you see?"

I am shocked and enthralled by Niall's tale however I can see his point. I can't help but think about Claudine and the child she was carrying during the recent fae war again. What a blessing that was and it was lost because of me. I felt bad for her sacrifice all over, again.

"You mean Britlin, don't you? How they preserved their realm and themselves?"

"Yes. They are the only ones to have been successful in the protection of their realm. Your world has been tainted as well, not by fae or vampire or any other species other than humans. Your water and air have been polluted, your forests all but wiped out. That was why vampires were seeking a better food source then. The human body and blood had been polluted by what they had done to their world and their resources.

Do you see the vicious cycle here? Creation has been poisoned, all but destroyed, by those who need it to survive. All but the Britlingens have destroyed what was once their worlds. That is why they are the best fighters; they just have to be. Because they will be destroyed, as the rest of us are on our way to being, if they do not fight for their home."

I was dumbfounded. Did he mean that all the species were in some way bound together? All the realms? Demons also? It seemed somehow religious to me: Creator and created huh?

"You mean like we all are about to be destroyed? Something like the apocalypse?"

"No, my dear child. It isn't destruction, it is evolution. The weak are paying the price and the strong continue to survive as they always have. Actually, I am merely explaining to you that every action has a consequence. Just like in the history of cluviel dors and fae."

"So, should I have wished for something different; including my grandfather? Was I wrong using it for my own selfish purposes?" I can't help but ask.

"No, it was your Grandmother that should have made the wish including your grandfather, not you. However your using it; will have its consequences as well."

I remembered my concerns about Sam: had I made him human? Did I wish for him to live as a human?

"Did I wish for Sam to live as a human?" I should have thought about it before I used the cluviel dor.

"No, you just wished for him to live: He will be his usual shifter self eventually."

"What about me then? I guess I am the consequence, right? I am dying and paying for his life, right? That's only fair; a life for a life.

"No, my dear child, you are wrong again. I know you are young but you need to look at the greater perspective, try to understand it as a whole; not only the pieces."

Ok, I know I am not that stupid: what am I missing? What is he trying to say to me?

"I don't understand: I thought my situation was the consequence I had to pay."

"No, dear child. Fortunately, you are just the other recipient of the wish."

I couldn't stop my snort then. Fortunately? I mean you have got to be kidding me. I don't see any fortune here. I am away from my home, my friends and most importantly I am forced to be away from my husband. I am poisoned. Where is the fortune in that?

Niall looks at me. It was that look again, the one I've seen too many times recently, on too many faces. Batanya, Octavia, Niall, all looked at me like I was a child on the cusp of a great understanding but I was still clueless.

"You really do not understand, do you?"

I just look at his face: I don't have the words to answer him.

"Let me explain it with facts. You had possession of a great magical object, one which had even me excited. It was explained to you that it could only be used only for loved ones and that using it would have consequences. Your husband was in a precarious situation at the same time as your friend; so you made a choice. I am not judging you, the cluviel dor was yours to do with as you saw fit. So you chose. You accidentally included yourself in the wish. Since you didn't know the reasoning behind why fairy's touch each other. Next, you were betrayed by one you had thought of as a friend at one time, and the people surrounding her, so you ended up in jail. And you get poisoned because of the iron used in prison cells to prevent escape. Iron caused your fairy blood to be poisoned because you did not know about being included in your wish and the results of being included in that wish. Am I right?"

"You put it like I made a choice between Sam and Eric. It was not that simple. Sam was dying whereas Eric was simply faced with a problem his maker created. At the time I believed that if he really wanted to, if he loved me enough, he could get himself out of it. That was why I did not consider using the cluviel dor on him."

"Love you enough? You were the one not telling about the cluviel dor to him also? However, my dear child, what do you know about vampire laws?"

Guilt crept through me again. Why didn't I tell him really?

"I..I guess not much. Why?"

"What do you know about maker and child bonds and laws regarding makers?"

"I... I don't know much except the obedience part but Ocella was already dead, truly dead at the time I learned about the marriage contract."

My voice even sounds weak to my own ears. Had I judged the whole situation with the contract wrong? Had I assumed he could get out of the contract if he really, truly wanted to? I mean I know that he still cares for me now. He wouldn't have sent Batanya with that message otherwise even though he had divorced me.

There was also the argument the night of the divorce. I knew I had done wrong by him, continually throughout our relationship. Now, I want to go to him, and I will, before he marries that bitch. I will do everything in my power to kill the bitch, and I will kill her, but did I judged Eric and his predicament wrongly? Had I wronged him again that night when I rescinded his invitation? I thought he had been deliberately making me angry by saying; he should have made me a vampire whether I wanted it or not. I wonder now, if he was sending me a message through his words? What was his purpose saying things like that at that specific time? He always has a purpose, or multiple, with his carefully selected words. Had he been trying to anger me; giving a message or had he simply followed through on the one promise I knew he would never go back on, the promise to always tell me the truth?

"Child, there is no need to defend your actions, I am merely stating and questioning the facts."

"Oh. Ok, then. I guess that sums up the events."

"So, do you see what the consequence is?"

I look him in the eyes. I guess I am not that intelligent because I have no idea what he is talking about. I guess he saw the empty look in my eyes and understood that I had no answer.

"My dear great granddaughter the vampire laws of maker and child are absolute. A child can never abandon the wish of the maker either undead or truly dead, so the consequence is the loss of the possible life you could have enjoyed with your husband. He has lost as well; since he failed to build the trust required with mates. He must now spend two centuries in Oklahoma.

What? Absolute? No way out? Two centuries? No. No. No! I had not sacrificed his life, I hadn't sacrificed his freedom for two centuries! If I had truly added to what Ocella had done to him I could never live with myself again. Never. Or did he want it?

Oh.

"What two centuries? Vampires marry for a century only; where did two come from? Did he wish it? Does he really want to marry that bitch?"

Niall looks at me again with that look. Pity? Shame?

"Child, that was the price he negotiated for your freedom."


	12. Chapter 12

AN:

Thanks to my brilliant beta, Breathesgirl; again and again. The dream scene was form her creative mind and also her curtesy. All of the credit of that part and what it added to the story goes to my dear Breathesgirl. (literally she write all that part and what a superb part is it) Thanks again and I believe this chapter would be lacking in sincerity without that part.

For the timeline issue, I had to say that this story starts from the middle of the Dead Ever After. The epov on ch. 5 was on the night of the usage of Cluviel Dor and ch.9 on epov was on the Saturday night when Sookie left for Britlin. However, Sookie timeline on first chapter starts from the moment she gets imprisoned almost three nights after the divorce and the talk between her and Eric. Also the plot about the death of Arlene is different from the DEA original. If you have questions, please pm me; I would be happy to answer. Also we are coming to the end of angst part, yeah finally, promise! So without the further ado...

Disclaimer: All the characters belong to Charlaine Harris I am just playing in the sandbox...

"The price he negotiated for my freedom."

The sound of Niall's voice repeats itself in my mind again and again. Each time it gets louder. It's like my brain is going to explode from the sound.

I cost Eric one hundred years! He is giving one hundred years for my pathetic life. He is becoming a slave for a hundred more years for me. He is giving up his freedom for me. Just for me. For crazy Sookie. For stupid Sookie. For unappreciative Sookie. Sookie who rescinded his invitation the last time she saw him. Sookie who never loved him enough. Sookie who never appreciated him enough. Sookie who never embraced him totally. Most importantly the Sookie who never made any sacrifices for him.

And he is still sacrificing for this Sookie.

I have never felt my soul this close to hell before. Now I deserve nothing less than to burn for what I have done. Never in my wildest dreams did I think he loved me this much! He told me over and over again how much he loved me. I listened with my ears but my heart never got the message.

I never saw his actions as showing me his love. I saw them as high handed and controlling. Never as love.

When did I become this person? So skeptical and distrusting? Ungrateful for life's blessings? The one to ignore love? The one to stomp on a heart, whether it's beating or not? The one to break hearts? Definitely if Gran were to see me now she would have him turn us both and then tan my hide through eternity and she wouldn't be gentle about it either!

Even if all of my thoughts and feelings are screaming to my soul; Niall's words are the ones drumming in my ears. I cost him a hundred years. I am just as guilty as Ocella. For Eric's future I cost him something equal to Ocella's contract. Fucking Appius Livius Ocella and I are the same; we each robbed him of one hundred years! Alexei caused less trouble than I have!

Then I guess my heart stopped. Or I just died. Of Shame.

This pain. The pain in my gut.

I have never felt anything like this before. Even the torture from Things 1 and 2 didn't hurt me this much. I hope I just died from the shame. I just hope the ground opens up and takes me straight to hell so my soul can burn through eternity or for every single day Eric has to spend in a contract I unknowingly helped his Maker create. I deserve it and will take it any day, or even an extra century above and beyond the two Eric must serve, over the pain I am now in.

What have I done?

What had I sacrificed to keep Sam alive? What had Eric sacrificed to keep me free?

Slavery for a century more for him. He sacrificed an extra century of freedom. A century for him to keep me free for what? Maybe another fifty or sixty years? It's not worth it. I'm not worth that price!

Eric just got another ungrateful slap in the face with my choice for all he has done for me, for saving my life again and again. Whereas I got a simple thank you from the friend I saved and lost the love of my life. And now, apparently, a death sentence if the effects of the iron poisoning are irreversible.

I wish I hadn't lived to see the day when I cost someone so much.

I wish the Cluviel Dor had simply traded my life for Sam's that would have been so much easier!

It was then I saw that Niall had vanished from my side. Both he and Batanya were too far away. What the heck?

Suddenly I am on my knees trying to just breathe. Batanya is telling me to breathe and my body is trying to follower her orders. I don't even hear what Niall is shouting at me this time. I don't feel like my soul is in my body, it's like I am too far away to hear and understand what is being said.

I am burning with shame, rage and regret. I feel like I am watching myself through another's eyes. I see myself crumbling to the ground. There is no sound, no cry, nothing at all. Just like life has stopped, leaving behind nothing but numbness.

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_I don't know where I am but it's snowing without being cold although it is wet. I see someone in the distance but it's too far for me to know for sure who it is so I start to walk toward them._

_Whoever it is turns toward me and starts running and I'm soon in his embrace, _

_"Eric!"_

_"Sookie, my dear one, I have missed you!"_

_"I've missed you too. I'm so sorry for how I acted. I realize now that I have been a young, impetuous fool. I love you Eric and I didn't know how much until I lost you." _

_I bury my face in his neck and inhale his sweet scent: cold, dry, smoky and spicy, that's Eric._

_"I love you too Sookie. Come with me? I have something I wish to show you."_

_I nod so he slings me around so I'm on his back and he runs, human fast, for a few minutes until we're on the seashore, _

_"This is my last happy memory from when I was human. I had stepped off the longboat into the arms of Aude, who was heavy with child, and our children. It was early fall and we had just returned from a summer at sea. I can see Aude smiling and hear the children laughing as they tell me about their exploits while I was gone. It wasn't long after this that the child was born. A few short hours after that both the child and my wife were dead."_

_I look out over his shoulder and see what he sees; people milling around on the shore as the boat docks. They help unload the booty and take it to where it will be stored. I see his wife and children run up to him and embrace him, a child on each leg and a very pregnant wife smiling up at him from his arms. I hear him laugh at the children's antics and I hear him telling them of some of the things he saw and did while he was away._

_"I can see it Eric. I can hear your laughter and the stories you are telling them. You were all so happy then. Thank you for sharing this with me."_

_"I want to share at least the rest of your life with you my love, if you'll have me for that long."_

_"I don't want anyone else my husband. It's you, only you, that I want."_

_"Husband. I like the sound of that."_

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Just like that I learned what I really lost with my wish of Cluviel Dor. We could have had our children just like Aude and my Eric had.

Thence I felt something broke in me. Not only in my heart, but in my soul too. It was the first time I truly let go. I give in quietly without a word or spite and let go. I just quit. I give in to the pain and let it have all of me. With the numbness I now feel I know I just released my life from my hands. Finally I am done. End of this misery.

Quiet shockingly, I think that's when I hear Claudine's voice. I must be dead if I'm hearing Claudine since she died defending me while she was pregnant. Claudine died because of me. Her unborn child died also because of me. Just then my mind started to count the deaths I have lived through; Claudine, her child, Trey, the Pelts, Brendan and his followers, Thing 1 and 2, Clancy, Arlene, Coby, Lisa, Longshadow and many bartenders after him, Ratteys, Ocella, Alexei, Bobby, Felicia, Lafayette, Sophie-Anne, Andre, the Berts , so many more in Rhodes, Hadley, Sam, my parents, Gran. Most importantly Gran and now Eric, two or three life times of a human for Eric. How many deaths and losses can a person prevail? How many more?

"_You have got to fight. It is not ended yet. All is not lost yet. You have to go back_" a voice said and then faded away.

Claudine?

With the push I felt, the pain returned multiple times harder and deeper. I didn't even understand how I can still manage to breathe. I didn't hear myself crying, screaming, nothing. Just this gut tearing pain.

When I open my eyes I am between Batanya and Niall and they have their arms around me.

We are in a room which seems to be filled with energy; like a meditation room maybe? We are in a room full of people, many I have not met yet and they were forming a triangle around us.

I hear a scream, more like a tortured cry and feel sorry for the one crying. The cry is sorely heartfelt and it sound so broken. Then I realize the one crying is me.

Has life, and the supernatural, finally broken me?

I know I am in the arms of people I know yet I feel nothing, not a touch or a hug, nothing. It's like all in the room are frozen; everyone but me.

I feel nothing yet I'm burning: just like in one of Shakespeare's plays. I know enough to wish the world to end; by fire or ice, it just doesn't matter because I am done.

Someone please, please just end this pain.

I finally hear Niall again but the words are lost to me. I hear the sound of his voice but that's it. I don't hear the words or get the meaning of what he is saying. Nothing! A void! Funny, once I met vampires I thought voids were great since that's what vampires minds are to me. Not now though; now voids, especially the one void stand only for pain and fire.

All of a sudden the room we're in starts to burn! Red fire is everywhere! Blood red fire!

Red, just like my lover's food, my husband's appetites are red. His favourite colour to see me in, other than nude, is red.

Everyone is trying to flee but all the exits are closed by red fire. In the middle of the chaos someone is laughing maniacally like they are enjoying the fire and the smell of burnt flesh. The laughter is coupled with joy and misery. Someone has finally lost their ever lovin' mind to the hysteria because the plane between sanity and insanity has been blurred or maybe in all this chaos that line burned too.

I don't know why but I start to drift away when the red fire does. Maybe I inhaled too much smoke. Maybe it is something else entirely.

I'm positive my eyes are playing tricks on me since I see the Britlingen rainbow in the hazy smoke and I hope my husband is there to greet me again and that the rainbow brings to us what it symbolizes here; balance.

The next time I am awake Niall is right beside me and looking into my eyes intently. It feels like he's trying to see into my soul.

"_Child, you put on quite a show the other night_" he says once he realizes I'm awake.

I look back at him, shocked. What could a human telepath have done?

He just rolled his eyes. The Prince of the fairies just rolled his eyes at me.

What could I have possibly done? I mean, we're not on earth right now so trouble shouldn't be drawn to me like the two poles of a magnet are attracted to each other, right?

"_Sookie, you have changed. You must accept this. You have no time left for the luxury of self pity_."

Luxury? Self pity? Self pity is a luxury?

Just like he read my mind again, he answers, "You have been unconscious for five days now."

What the...? What is going on with me? I know I'm different now. Does the triple bloods thing cause me sleep more or faint more? Have I become like vampires or something: Needing to sleep the days away?

Ohh Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

15 days? Did I miss Eric's wedding? Can I reach out to him before he is forced to marry that bitch? Batanya promised to take me home before his wedding! If it is already 15 days that I've been here then it means I have lost. Lost it all. If I've already been here for 15 days I have lost! I've lost it all!

Lost him! NO! NO! NO!

Just then, the feeling of warmth starts in my brain again. This time Niall doesn't wait, he embraces me right away, just as he did when he arrived here. His embrace is just as soothing as it was before.

"_Child, before you become upset and cause another scene there are some things which I need to explain to you. Do you remember about the time difference between realms?_"

I look at him, quite confused at first but, like in the cartoons, I feel like a light bulb is shining over my head so I ask,

"_Meaning, I am not late, I still have time to get to him, right? It hasn't been two weeks in my world? He is not off marrying the bitch yet._"

Niall looks at me again,

_"I thought you made your decision on..."_

I couldn't let him finish that sentence! No!

"_NOO! I won't leave my husband. I didn't choose Sam for my happy ever after. I just chose for him to live, not to replace my husband. So, NO! I didn't choose someone else over him. Let me go now, I want go back to him this second. Just fuck my poisoning. I will kill that bitch with my bare hands. I won't let him go into slavery because of me!_"

I could go on and on with my rant for hours but I stop and think back on the promise I made to myself. No more assumptions. So I try to take a few more deep breaths and start to calm down. The heat starts to leave my brain so I turn to Niall again. Remember Sookie; I remind myself, the first and most important thing to know is the facts.

_"What is the time difference between Britlin and my world?"_

Niall starts to laugh then: I'm both relaxed and a little offended by it.

"_I was trying to think of a way to calm you down but you seem to have figured it out for yourself. I am glad because you gave us quite a scare five nights ago._" he says as he gives me a slight smile.

He mentioned what I did five nights ago before. What did I do? Then I remember the red fire and people fleeing and shouting. Is it even possible that I was the one causing it? Definitely, not!

"_Great-grand daughter, the first thing you need to learn is that the time difference between realms is the courtesy of gods."_

Huh? Courtesy of Gods? What Gods?

He just continues, ignoring my questioning eyes.

_"You first need to know about the time difference so that you know you are not late for your husband also so you can relax enough to cope what comes next."_

Next? Arghh!

Though without any explanation about what will come next, he continued;

_"Every realm has a ratio: The ratio is always in favor of the one who is entering, this is the courtesy of the Gods. This way you don't lose too much time in your own realm. It's also the ratio of the life in all the realms. The golden ratio of existence; duration vs worth. Every life continues to exist as long as it has a worth to." _

Ratio? What ratio? What grace of the Gods? What Gods? Whose duration and who's worth?

_"Dear Great grand-daughter you still have 28 days 4 hours and 20 minutes before you have to return."_


	13. Chapter 13

AN:

Thanks to my brilliant beta, Breathesgirl; again and again. She is my first candle in my coal mine. You all know the timeline by now, if not; you can always pm me. Also the followers, favorites, reviewers thank you so much. Each and every one of you are the candles in my coal mine to illuminate my way further. (ewww it was Bill who said this line in the books, right? Ewww me) Oooo, also there is a surprise at the end, which was hinted at the chapter 8 before.

Also this chapter has a theme song: Anathema; One Last Goodbye.

Disclaimer: All the characters belong to Charlaine Harris I am just playing in the sandbox...

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This thing in me; this fire in me is burning. I am burning. There is an ache in me. At first I thought it was because of the fire but it's instead of it. The fire in me needs something like the cold waters of the North Sea. My fire needs the ice of the North where my husband comes from. I need his cool arms and cold embrace; I need his cold calculating brain. I just need his embrace. Simply put I need him.

Like an organ lacking something critical in order to function correctly, I need my Eric in order to function properly. Every second I have spent on this plane of existence is costing us something. Trust. It has cost us trust. Trust is what we need absolutely right now.

I know I made a lot of mistakes, I know what they are now.

I don't know if Eric will ever forgive my mistakes but I have to try, for him, for us, for our future and our past. Patience, I must have patience.

I will kill the bitch with my bare hands if necessary. I will get my husband back. I will not let fucking Appius win; not after everything Eric has done for me. I may have been an ungrateful bitch until now but not anymore. I am not the same person anymore.

It's a pity that I'm only accepting this now and only because now I understand that I have lost what was, is, the most precious to me. I lost the only one to have loved me.

That is the only truth I have, all my doings cost me the only one to love me with all his heart; except for Gran. I lost that which is most precious to me and I never even realized it until I lost him. Eric was, is, the light of my life. My day isn't complete until I hear from him. My heart beats erratically until he rises for the night. My thoughts centre mostly on him, my arms long for him, and my heart years for him. I have cost him a lot, too.

This is my first amendment: I won't simply try to forget about him or leave him behind. I, Sookie Stackhouse, will right my wrongs. I won't lose my only love due to something I have done. I am no longer the child everyone tried to manipulate. NO. Not anymore. Felipe, the fucker, will pay like Victor did, the spawn of the devil.

I, the unappreciative spawn of his beautiful soul, will pay for my mistakes. I will pay them for the first time: gracefully, and I will pay in kind. That is as simple as it gets: kill the bitch, period, end of story. I have killed before: humans, were's, fairies, vampires, I have killed them all.

I have killed for the sake of love. I have killed for my brother, my Gran, myself, my friends and my husband and I will kill again for love. I will kill the bitch trying to steal my husband.

My.

Husband.

Mind you, this is the first time I have acknowledged him as my husband. Regretfully he isn't here to hear me say it. I have shamed him without realizing it. I never acknowledged his claim on me. I am high-handed in my own right; 'My way or the highway, bitch, put up or shut up or just get the fuck out!'

No more! I will kill the one who wishes to lay claim to what is mine! The only question is how.

After my 20th day, I finally get up enough courage to talk to Batanya.

"You need to help me," I practically begged.

"I am keeping you alive." The unspoken part of that sentence was that keeping me alive should have been enough.

"No! No! I don't mean like that. You need to teach me. You need to teach me how I can kill someone!"

I was expecting her denial or something close to it. Maybe an argument that her mission was to keep me alive and that was already more than she had contracted for. What I didn't expect was her anger. She looked directly into my eyes for the first time since my scene the week before. It's her looking me in the eyes that makes me understand that I'll be getting a piece of her mind. Even when I cringe she did not stop.

"Sookie, I am trying to understand. For goddess's sake, I have been trying since you first arrived but you seem to be conflicted.

Who are you Sookie? Who do you choose to be? Are you the one who keeps talking about saving the love of your life or are you the one whining all the time?

You helped in Rhodes; I don't argue that. Even our matriarch seems to regard you highly, commanding that we show our proper respect. You are brave; but to be honest I keep questioning whether your bravery is coming from your own fears and stubbornness or from your heart and the love you have for others.

You seem to act like you are brave but you always expect someone else to do your dirty work. Not long ago you burned one of the houses here. We are much more vigilant in our homes than at our work place yet no one has touched you for it because your husband contracted us to keep you alive.

Do you even understand that my bringing you here, to our realm, shows our respect to your husband?

Do you understand our inaction when you damaged our property? Now for all the sakes of goddesses you come to me for help! You ask me to help you more, teach you. I don't even know if you are serious or joking?"

I gulp loudly, she is right. I have judged others even though I loathe being judged. I will help plan the murder but I hate taking part in it. I am not worthy of Eric, I never have been. I must strive to be so. By the time I go home I WILL be worthy of him!

"Do you even realize what we do to even keep a flower alive? We are ready to defend what belongs to us every second of every day. We do not whine or cry that life is unfair nor do we spare a moment to mourn. We do what we must with all of our hearts, souls and bodies.

It is not even about the species. Lowly humans are the same. Everyone claims to love someone, to be willing to fight to the death for that love. You keep talking but not doing anything. You can talk the talk but you won't walk the walk.

For goddess sake; Niall, the Prince of the fairies, has been here to help you for nearly ten days and you have never once called for his official help.

It doesn't matter if you know our ways, or the fairies, or the daemons or the humans. Trust doesn't matter, not in this. In this lifetime, in this situation, you should be squeezing everyone you come in contact with for even one word of knowledge. You are not doing this, no, instead you are questioning loyalties.

Understand this: You will never know true loyalty. It may be here today and gone tomorrow so you try to learn what you can from that loyalty today. Get the information you sorely need, the knowledge while you can for you don't know how much longer it will be available to you.

There is a fairy available to you now, use him. Squeeze him about the iron poisoning, everything else can wait.

Strategy and knowledge is everything Sookie. Open your eyes now if you don't want to lose even more time. Open your eyes, rattle your brain: I know you have one. Just open your eyes and see the reality. It doesn't matter whether you like it or not. Life isn't about like or dislike, it's about knowledge: gathering as much knowledge as you can, while you can. Use it to your advantage then pass it on to the next generation.

You need to face the reality of your life and I'm sick of your ignorance. I know if our matriarch were here she would be both surprised and disappointed by you. Open your eyes."

I can't fight the tears but she is right. Something in me cracks then. How did he tolerate my childishness? Is it because of his love? Do I even understand love? Yeah now my brain is in hell with my soul.

"USE YOUR FIRE!" she barks when I don't seem to comprehend her words, shakes her head angrily and I think I hear her mutter 'idiot' under her breath.

I snap. I start to laugh again. My fire. Yeah, my Viking always called me on my fire, said it was one of the things he loved about me.

The last thing I expected to happen happened; Batanya slapped me,

"You have all you need yet you still whine about incompetence. You can kill that bitch if you really want to. You don't need any help other than having your brain co-operating with your heart. Open yourself to completeness. Open your goddam brain. Open your soul. You are not the weak human you were before. You are poisoned yes. You are dying yes. However, you don't need to go alone. Take as many as you can. That should be your strategy. That's always our strategy. Think Sookie, just for once think!"

"To die honorably requires that you take as many of your enemies as you can with you."

That, I can guarantee. Even if I cannot get to everyone, I will kill the bitch. I don't know how but I swear to god I will do it.

"How?" I can do nothing but ask.

"Just burn the fucking bitch, Sookie. Start to make peace with your decision now."

Again I start to ask but then stop and think. I think of Eric and our bond, Andre, Bill, Victor, Neave, Lochlahan, Arlene and the Fellowship, Felipe, the Berts, Alcide and Amelia. I remember all the people who have tried to manipulate my life in different directions, aiming for different things for what they claimed was my wellbeing.

Some argued that they were my friend, some stood as a clear enemy, and some tried to be seen as a friend then acted like a brutal enemy. Finally some were a real friend; a friend for life.

I thought about how I behaved, how I responded to each of them. Most I treated as friends, one I treated as my first and only love even though he betrayed me in the worst possible way. The others I treated as jerks, including Eric. Then I remember how I decided to break the bond, the one Eric and I developed because of his desire to spare me from Andre's will. I rushed to break it and I did break it; me, I broke it and nearly broke us in the process.

I may blame Amelia but it was me: I broke the bond. It was me taking everyone else's bullshit and happily being manipulated by it. I thought my love for him was only because of the bond. I always thought he manipulated me into it. I never saw his intentions; never acknowledged them. Me and my myopic visions of my life! I saw the here and now, not the long run or down the road.

Poor me!

Then, I think about the morning after breaking the bond: the pain. The pain in my gut that wished he had stayed. I was all alone. So much more alone then the morning after Gran died. So alone that I hated it with everything in me. Somehow I still knew that he was the one. Eric was the one I dreamt about. He was the one I wished to talk to, to keep my arms around, to keep my mind around, to keep my heart around and to die with. That was what I was so afraid of: That I couldn't keep my resolution to say no to anything he asked. Somehow I knew it was him. And I fight hard. Fight hard against him, no not him actually. I fought hard against my heart but I knew deep down he already had my heart. So for now, I hang on to the pain, that's the only thing I have from him, from my dearest. I hope after all this bullshit he will want to stay by me. Just another hope waiting on the outside of the door to kill me. It's ok though. Now, just now for my dearest I am ready. To give in. To give in to him, to our future, happy or sad but I am ready to claim it now. You are mine as I am yours.

Batanya interrupts my train of thought just then, "What were you thinking Sookie?"

I just stare blankly, not wanting to explain anything or answer her question.

"Look at your hands," she says quietly.

I hold my hands up; they are on fire. I know where it's coming from now though. Somehow I know it is the manifestation of my pain, the pain I caused. The fire is still red, a brutal red. And again somehow I know, it is the bond. The angst our bond suffered; pain is the way my fire manifests itself: it is my doing, I caused the pain. It is my bullshit. And it is my pain. Somehow I know the blood in me has changed but I did not. The fae is poisoned because I had no more wish or joy to live after the divorce. The demon bringing the fire is angry, so angry at the consequences that it hurts. The human is weak, so weak that it is doubting everything.

I take a deep breath. I need something of his; something that belongs to my Eric.

Something to enable me to feel him.

I abruptly stand up and run to my room. I get my back pack out of its place and begin to search. Finally I find my little purse. First I take the bullet in my hands. I squeeze it in my palm but it is not enough. Not close enough. Still I take it to where Batanya was sitting with me and show her the bullet, "Can you made it into liquid?" I ask.

She looks dismissively at the little trinket and nods.

"I need a tattoo made from it. I want it to be triple triangles on my left breast."

I finally caught her interest, she actually looks interested. "A Val Knut, Sookie? Do you know what it means?"

"Yes. It will protect my heart from the fear as it did Odin's. It is also Saint John's arms to protect me from evil spirits and bad luck which I really need."

When she nods I turn to my purse again. There is one more thing I need to do.

I dig out the rope; the red rope. I look to the green vault of heaven, take a deep breath and tie the red rope I was holding, the one I used to sever the bond. I think about all the mistakes I have made so far, hoping for balance from now on in our lives.

I tie it into a Celtic knot.

Another fire just exploded at the same time...


End file.
